


broken glass sparkling

by merengs



Category: Glee
Genre: Basically a story about people feeling lost finding each other, Blaine Big Bang 2020, M/M, Study abroad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:14:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22871566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merengs/pseuds/merengs
Summary: A year abroad. A chance to get away, put on hold all the issues he still needs to resolve and maybe find the bits of himself he thinks he’s lost. So Blaine takes it.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53
Collections: Blaine Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, here it is. It's actually a bit hard to believe that I won't be able to continue rearranging sentences again and again. 
> 
> Before you begin reading, I want to thank Julia (@Jammie3132 on tumblr and @Julia3132 on AO3) for being my beta and encouraging me to continue. There wouldn't be one correct preposition in this whole fic if it weren't for her. And look forward to reading her own fic, coming Feb 29th. Many thanks to the artist I've been paired up with (@purpleyin on tumblr) for putting up with my insane timings and for capturing the essence of the whole fic in all her art. Check out everything they've created on their tumblr and go give them a like. 
> 
> Title is borrowed from a Lorde song, because calling it "we told you this was melodrama" was a bit too obvious.
> 
> Thanks for reading and I'll come back at the end with slightly sappier notes.

It’s 4 am on a Thursday night and Blaine only wants to go to sleep. He has to be up early next morning and he doesn’t know how much longer he can use jet lag as his excuse to continue skipping classes. The city feels quiet, maybe too quiet, like it’s trying to help him, make him feel welcome and put him to sleep, but it’s not working. It’s not working and he doesn’t want to let his mind wander, so he decides to get up instead. 

He tries staring out the tiny window in his bedroom, hoping he’ll find something to occupy his mind with. But there’s nothing going on outside and it’s all so different from New York that he can’t figure out how he’s supposed to feel. The room is different, a tiny bed and white furniture that could belong to anyone, not one bit of his personality showing through. There aren’t any pictures on the walls, he didn’t take his keyboard with him and there’s not much he could put up that would make him feel a bit more at home. It’s not that different from the picture he saw on the webpage, with only a couple coins and a maroon sweater carefully folded on top of his desk to prove that there’s someone living there. 

It was supposed to feel different. Or at least he hoped it would. Maybe if he tried a bit harder, made an effort to be more involved instead of spending all his free hours walking around wishing to magically become fluent in German, it would start to get easier. Go to a couple of those international meetings he keeps getting invited to. He’s going to spend the whole year in Berlin after all, it’d be nice to talk to more people than just his two roommates and do more than just offer a smile every now and then with the kids he shares some classes with. Hopefully find a way to fix his sleeping schedule along the way. 

He blinks twice when he comes into the kitchen. He can’t be sure it wasn’t a product of his sleep-deprived brain; maybe that is what happens when your jet lag doesn’t go away for two weeks, you start hallucinating. But the loud thud of a door closing lingers in the air and he feels too exhausted to be making up naked men walking around his apartment, so he makes peace with the bare ass he’s just seen entering his roommate’s bedroom. 

Blaine shakes his head, turns the coffee maker on and wonders if perhaps he’s doing this all wrong.

* * *

He needs to email his professor to ask if it would be okay to write his assignment in English since his German skills don’t seem to be improving much, but his phone keeps refusing to connect to the wifi network in his university. His teacher is leaving the room and he’s not feeling brave enough to face a rejection in person, so he gathers up his stuff as quickly as he can and tries to find a quiet spot outside of the class where he can continue fighting with his phone in peace. 

“Blake. Blake.”

At first he doesn’t realize someone’s trying to talk to him, too busy choosing the right words that won’t make him sound as desperate as he really is, but the girl repeating someone else’s name in his ear is starting to get harder to ignore. 

“Blake,” she repeats.

He guesses he's called Blake now.

Blaine remembers meeting her during orientation week. Her name starts with an H —Hanna, he thinks—, and although she looks like she’s only trying to help, Blaine can’t stop feeling a bit uneasy under her stare. 

“International meeting tonight. Did you get my email?”

He looks down at his phone, forever stuck in airplane mode until he finally decides to get a phone plan, and fakes a small smile. He nods.

“Good. We’ll see you there, right?” 

Maybe her name was Heidi, he’s not sure but he’s not going to spend too much time thinking about it about when she continues to call him Blake. She could pass for an English speaker if it weren’t for her Ws and maybe he is feeling a bit jealous since there’s not much he can say without giving away what his native tongue is. He can’t even form a full sentence without being insecure about his verb placement. 

“Well?”  
  
There they are, her W’s sounding like V’s again.

“Right. Uh, I’m not sure. I’m kind of busy.”

It sounds weak and he’s not the only one who can tell. She frowns and he starts wondering why he’s starting to feel like he’s said something wrong. 

“It will be fun. And you’ll be able to practice your German.”

Blaine might be going crazy but for a moment he considers that she can read his mind. Or maybe he does look that out of place. But maybe she has a point, he does need to start making an effort if he wants to learn any German. He could also make a couple friends and start getting texts from someone other than his mother or his roommates asking him to buy more toilet paper when they run out of it.

He promises her he’ll try to make it and for once he’s not lying or offering a lame excuse. They chat a bit after that, she’s involved with the International Student club after all, the least she can do is pretend to be interested in how he’s been. She’s not very good at it —or Blaine didn’t look as interesting to her when they met to remember his actual name— and, after wishing him luck with a theatre class he’s not taking, they part ways. Blaine needs to get home anyway, change his clothes and look at his phrase book to help him feel a bit more prepared. 

He’s on his way out when he runs into someone, tall and blond like most people seem to be there, maybe another reason why he can’t seem to blend in, that mutters something that he hopes was an apology but sounded way too menacing for him to actually believe it. Blaine can’t remember the word for sorry and he’s left staring at the stranger’s back with the taste of disappointment in the tip of his tongue. Yeah, he’s going to that meeting tonight.

* * *

It’s a bit clichéd, he is sure of it, but there’s no point in lying. They offered him a small tag to write down his name and a bunch of stickers to let people know what languages he speaks. He’s a bit ashamed but he can only take the British flag and stick it next to his name, written in all caps in a lame attempt to fill-in the empty space. He considers taking the German flag as well but who is he trying to kid when he has spent all afternoon learning how to say what he is doing in Berlin. Not very successfully, he might add, since he had to write it down on the notes app on his phone as well.

The place is dimly lit and no one looks familiar enough to him. He thinks he recognizes one of the ginger girls sitting at the back, but he can’t recall her name and would like to avoid embarrassing himself this early. He wishes his roommate, Matt, had agreed to come with him, after all, since he’s going to be that lonely guy drinking by himself, but he was too busy fighting with his girlfriend via Skype to join him that night. He sighs and goes to order himself his first beer. 

No one asks for his ID at the bar and he decides that Europe is not that bad after all. 

He finally runs into Heidi on his way back from the bathroom, but he doesn’t want to bother her when she’s too busy making-out with a boy who has a Portuguese flag stuck to his chest. Blaine can feel the tips of his fingers starting to tingle from the couple of beers he’s already drunk and he doesn’t really understand how he’s managed to do it, but suddenly he’s in the middle of a group of people chatting about culture shock and just how good the bread is over there. He’s not practicing any German, but at least he’s making some friends and it does feel like a step in the right direction. 

Blaine doesn’t remember laughing as hard as he’s doing it now since he arrived. And maybe he should blame it on the alcohol, but he’s too busy listening to the story of some boy embarrassing himself on his first week in Germany when the beer bottle slips out of his reach and breaks next to the girl that was standing right behind him. 

“ _Entschuldigung_ ,” he says as quickly as he can. 

Blaine would be surprised that he remembered how to apologize in German —especially since that was one of the trickier ones— if the girl in front of him didn’t look ready to murder him. He tries repeating it again, his hands fidgeting and too busy to start wondering how he managed to butcher the pronunciation of such a mundane phrase. 

“Are you too drunk to see that there’s no German flag next to my name or do you need to a neon sign to stop babbling nonsense?”

He realizes it then, not only that he was embarrassing himself for no reason whatsoever but also that there’s no way he is going to get away now that she knows they speak the same language. She’s a little shorter than him, but something in the way she’s looking at him tells Blaine that she’s not going to let him go off that easily. 

“I’m sorry?” 

His voice goes high at the end and maybe it was too much of a question to sound like a sincere apology. The girl, Santana according to her name tag, rolls her eyes and Blaine is almost sure that she is using the word pathetic in her head.

“The least you could do is buy me a new drink.”

The cup she’s holding is still half full and he’s pretty sure it was his drink that ended up on the floor but how is he going to question her when he’s been avoiding her gaze all this time because he doesn't have a way to prove that he is not going to be set on fire when he looks her in the eyes. Or maybe he’s just drunk. But just because he doesn’t want to risk it and end up in a fight that he’s sure is going to get his ass kicked he ends up agreeing.

Blaine’s surprised to find out that he actually likes Santana, she’s not that bad once he’s talked to her for a while. It also helped that she stopped looking scary when he paid for her new gin and tonic. But, yeah, Blaine likes her. She only made a couple jokes when she found out he is studying music and didn’t laugh at him for too long when he added that he’s considering music composition as his minor. 

When the bar’s about to close for the night Santana asks for his number and he has to ask her to find him on Facebook instead since he still doesn’t have a German number yet. 

“You need to start getting your shit together.”

And he’d love to do that, but he doesn’t even know where to start. 

* * *

Fine, maybe it wasn’t his brightest idea. 

But he was getting tired of always having to book a room to practice and he’s been regretting not accepting his mother’s offer to pay for the shipping cost. He’s been in Berlin for a month and he’s already feeling rusty, there was no way he was going to be content with only practicing once a week. And it’s not like he ended up spending that much money. 

So there’s now a second hand keyboard in the middle of Blaine’s room.

There’s not much space left to move around and the closet door can’t be fully opened anymore, but he’s found something to busy himself with when he can’t fall asleep. It’s made things easier, his anxiety about going too long without practicing has died down and he’s not scared about magically forgetting how to play the piano anymore. It was a good purchase. 

He’s just gotten back from class and he doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but Blaine thinks he’s close to making his first German friend. It’s not like he’s never had any problems making new friends, he’s always been surrounded by people and if he forgets what happened last year —and Blaine likes to pretend he’s forgotten it already— he’s never had many problems dealing with that in the past. But maybe he wasn’t in the right headspace when he arrived or he needed a bit longer to fully understand how relationships are formed in a different culture. There’s a guy that always smiles at him in his music theory class and he’s feeling optimistic enough to call that a good start. 

His phone screen lights up on his desk but judging by the time it’s probably Santana, bored in her Economics class and looking for someone to entertain her. They’ve been talking pretty frequently, usually when she is stuck in a class she doesn’t like and needs someone she can vent to. Blaine’s fine with that, he enjoys her dark sense of humor and having someone who understands what it is like being in a place that is so different from the one they both call home. 

Apparently there’s a party she wants to go to that night and she hasn’t even bothered to ask him if he had any other plans or any interest in going at all, she’s just given him the address and the time she wants him to be there. Blaine shakes his head and puts his phone on silent. Santana doesn’t like to be kept waiting and maybe he enjoys getting on her nerves a bit too much.

He plays for a bit longer, letting his fingers dance on top of the keys and trying to get back on his game. Music had always come easy to him but for some reason he doesn’t fully understand it’s not as simple as it used to be. Blaine’s playing something simple, a melody he could have played with his eyes closed not that long ago but that doesn’t sound quite right anymore. He’s trying not to duel too much on that, ignore the fact that something’s changed and that his fingers feel lost and rigid on top of the keyboard. When for the third time in a row his middle finger slips and he presses the wrong key, he figures he’s had enough for the day.

Blaine ignores seven new texts —three of them include various threats and promises to kick his ass if he doesn’t pick up his phone— and agrees to go out that night with her. 

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Santana wouldn’t stand him up. He thinks. Maybe she is still mad at him for ignoring her that afternoon and has a thing for revenge that she’s never mentioned before. But even then, leaving him alone in the middle of a German club —that he paid fifteen euros to get in, for that matter— feels a bit too cruel, even for her. 

The music is loud and he continues checking his phone for new messages that it has no way to receive since he’s still using his American number. The lights are bright and no matter how hard he tries to find her, Santana’s not there. He shouldn’t have come. He could be at home right now, with Matt and Olivier watching those bad reality TV German shows his roommates had gotten obsessed with recently. It wasn’t a great plan but it definitely sounds better now than wandering around a German club on his own looking for someone that is not going to show up. 

Well, Blaine thinks to himself, he might as well get himself a drink. Maybe he won’t look so lost if he’s a little tipsy. Or at least he’ll find the courage to talk to some strangers, show Santana that he can have fun without her. He just hopes he can find someone that speaks English, he's had more than enough embarrassment for one night. 

However, it would be easier if the girl at the bar spoke any English. He needs to raise his voice in a way he’s not used to but at least he can finally put to good use what Cooper has been telling him on repeat since he was ten years old: pointing does help. She finally gets him the beer he asked for and Blaine makes sure to apologize at least three times for not being able to properly communicate in her language. Actually, he says ‘sorry’ a bunch of times, each time with a slightly different pronunciation hoping that at least one of them is correct, but there’s not much of a difference. 

She shakes her head at the five euro bill he’s holding and he realizes he really needs to start putting more effort into learning German, since basic numbers should be something he’d had learned by now. He reaches for his back pocket but he has no time to take out his wallet when someone taller arrives next to him and tries to get her attention. 

They start speaking in German and Blaine doesn’t even make an effort to try to follow along. She doesn’t seem to remember him anymore, too busy showing the other guy her biggest smile. He can’t blame her, though. He’s tall, and even if the lighting is not ideal Blaine can tell that he’s handsome, with his strong jawline and a smile that would also make him forget all about the stuttering tourist that needed five minutes to order a beer. He could get away with a free drink, he’s sure no one would notice if he just slipped away with his beer without leaving any money behind. But he’ll probably need another one at some point if he’s going to spend the evening alone and he doesn’t think he’ll be capable of having that type of conversation if she remembers him when he comes back for his second drinks. So Blaine waits, staring awkwardly between the two of them and waiting for them to finish, feeling like a little child waiting for his mother to come back and pay for the groceries. 

He makes an attempt to pay for his drink again but she shakes her head. The stranger smiles at him and Blaine can’t seem to remember how to thank him, no matter how much he’s been practicing at the bakery in front of his house. 

“Oh. Uh…” he mumbles. 

“You know, the least you could do is thank me,” he answers, in a clear American accent that is making Blaine’s cheeks flush a bit. 

“I wasn’t sure you spoke English.”

“You thought I was German? Ouch.” He’s half-joking, Blaine can tell, but he’s a bit too close and he keeps on grinning at him, there are no witty comebacks he can think of when they are standing so close together. He should stop blaming the language barrier for his lack of social skills and just admit that he’s a bit rusty, too many months spent on his own have left him incapable of handling a normal conversation. 

Blaine takes the first sip of his beer and the boy laughs. 

“You are welcome,” he adds after giving Blaine more than enough time to respond. “ _Very_ welcome.”

There’s something in the way he talks, with a permanent smirk on his face and reeking of confidence that could easily be mistaken for arrogance. He’s fully turned to him, resting a hand on the bar and analyzing his reaction. He’s the first one to look away, hoping to find a way out of a situation Blaine’s not sure he likes. 

“Cat got your tongue?”

“Hands off, Smythe.” 

“Oh, look who finally decided to show up.” 

Those words were in the air before Blaine had time to mutter them himself. Santana’s standing between him and the other guy —Sebastian, he quickly learns—, a smug smile on her bright red lips that makes Blaine wonder if this had been her plan all along. She doesn’t offer any excuse for being late, or for making him believe she had no one to come with tonight, but Blaine’s not sure he wants to know the reason for that. 

They seem to be friends. Blaine doesn’t get how they know each other, if they were friends before Santana came to Berlin or even if Sebastian is also studying abroad that year, but they are clearly very comfortable with each other. She orders a drink that Sebastian ends up paying and she doesn’t hesitate to hit his arm, not very playfully if Blaine’s the one to judge, when he keeps teasing her about crushing time and time again on straight girls. 

At first, Blaine was scared that he wouldn’t fit into their strange dynamic, full of petty remarks and a couple of mean comments that could only be described as half jokes. However, it’s not that hard. After the first couple of minutes they stop being interested in arguing with each other and instead choose to focus on how on earth they ended up in that particular club if none of them actually like techno music. 

They go for another round of drinks. Blaine is proud to admit that he was faster this time and managed to pay for his own beer himself— and even venture into the dance floor after a while, thank you very much. They aren’t really drunk, they haven’t had much of a chance yet, and they aren’t really dancing, only jumping around to lyrics Blaine doesn’t understand and with the loud beat echoing in his ears. There’s a lot of shouting involved, a bit of sweat too, but when they finally leave a couple hours later, Blaine is surprised to realize that he actually had a good time, probably for the first time since he’s been in Europe. 

They share a cab home, Santana snoring quietly against the window and with Blaine trying to ignore Sebastian’s constant gaze on him. He’s the first one to arrive whispering a goodbye and a promise of getting together again soon, which earns him a wink before he finally goes out into the cold street. 

He’s taking off his shoes, sitting down on his bed, when his phone vibrates in his pocket with a new friend request. 

* * *

Blaine doesn’t understand why he’s struggling so much. 

It shouldn’t be that hard, something he’s done a million times before. He’s not one to struggle with class assignments, it should have been done hours ago, but it doesn’t sound right. He can’t make it sound right, and if he can’t make a couple arrangements to a simple melody he has no idea how he’s going to survive next semester. 

He thinks he’s lacking inspiration, tries to tell himself that his empty bedroom is not good enough to play music in only because on a Saturday afternoon there’s nowhere else he can be to prove him he’s wrong. He wishes he could be in his old apartment, back in New York, a nice scented candle burning in the living room and the creaking floorboards beneath his feet. It wouldn’t solve his problems —his last couple months weren’t great there and he’s pretty sure he’s not going to go back to that old apartment, doesn’t even know if he wants to— but at least he can feel better about himself trying to believe it would be different back home. 

If only he were anywhere that at least looked a bit like home, he’d get a good idea. It’s hard to concentrate somewhere that feels so foreign, everything white and immaculate rather than the slight mess of colors he’s so used to, with his roommate speaking in French as the only sound he can hear when he takes his earphones off. 

Some fresh air would do him good. He thinks he’ll go crazy if he stays in his room much longer, staring blankly at his keyboard, so Blaine doesn’t waste any more time, finds his shoes, gets his wallet and throws on a coat on top of his old sweats that he is not going to change out of. He takes his keys and checks what bus he needs to catch in order to go the huge park he’s never been to before but has been dying to visit since he first saw a picture of it when he was looking for housing.

It feels so familiar, a huge park in the middle of a busy city, that for a brief moment, he feels like he’s back at home. It’s not the same, of course, the buildings are not as tall and the carts here sell their hot dogs in a curry sauce instead of in a bun, but it’s as close as he thinks he’ll get. Tiergarten is not central park, but walking around transports him to a different place —different time as well, one when he didn’t struggle with his music.

People are lying on the grass, families with kids trying to feed the squirrels, couples and groups of friends that are doing their best to enjoy the last days of warmth before winter comes. Blaine spends a while there, walking around, enjoying the scent of nature and waiting for a big breakthrough that doesn’t end up coming. 

He thought he’d get inspired there, but the coffee cup he’s holding is cold by now and he has no big revelation about his assignment. He is not feeling any different, his legs sore from walking around and the tip of his nose slightly colder but that’s it. It was a bit naïve, hoping things would change so easily when he knows he’s not struggling just because of a change of scenery. 

Blaine throws his coffee cup in the nearest trash can, if he is not going to get anything done for class, he is at least going to finally get a phone plan. 

* * *

Turns out, he was right all along. That guy that kept smiling at him in class? He did want to be his friend. They’ve kept their little ritual of smiling at each other from afar for a couple weeks now, but it was finally that morning when they got one of their assignments back that he finally decided to ask him how it went. He’s sure Santana would be proud of him, or at least he hopes she’ll stop teasing him about it. 

They chat for a bit, he learns that he’s called David and that he’s done much better in his assignment than him. They are gathering their things, there’s another class about to start there, when David asks him if he’d like to go for a cup of coffee and Blaine smiles. 

It’s busy, full of students and the music a bit louder than he’d like, but it’s warm and the smell of coffee always makes him feel welcome. He confessed his fear of the language on the way there, but instead of facing rejection David actually offers to help him out. With a bit of encouragement and a couple whispered words in his ear, he manages to place his order fully in German. He’s aware they only exchanged a couple of sentences, not very long ones and something he should have been able to do in his firsts weeks there, but at least he’s making progress, no matter how slowly. He’ll be okay. 

“Oh, I’m taking that class, too.”

Blaine smiles, he won’t be alone next semester in one of the classes he’s been fearing the most, and he wasn’t the only one excited to find out they’ll be sharing another class. 

They spend a couple hours sitting down and getting to know each other. He asks him if he’s enjoying Berlin and when Blaine tells him where he’s staying, they find out that they don’t live that far away from each other. They have a lot in common, both of them play the piano and David promises to show him a couple German bands that he knows Blaine’s going to love, even if he’s not going to be able to understand the lyrics. He adds _yet_ at the end of that sentence and Blaine gets a nice warmth bubbling in the pit of his stomach. 

They have to leave in a bit, David promised his girlfriend he’d get home in time for dinner, but they promise they’ll meet again in a couple days to work on their homework together.

“Yeah, in the south. You should go if you get the chance.” 

David is telling him all about Munich, where he’s from, as they walk home. Blaine, who had never been to Europe before, would like to visit as much as he can now that he has the chance, and his roommates have already been planning a trip to the south of France for their winter break that he might join as well. They’ve almost reached his street and Blaine wishes he lived a bit further away so he could continue listening to stories about mulled wine and gingerbread cookies. 

“Look who’s made a new friend.”

He wasn’t expecting to find Santana and Sebastian waiting for him in front of his building, he quickly checks his phone to make sure he didn’t miss any of his messages but there’s nothing there. Sebastian is holding a coffee cup and leaning against the wall, looking at David with an eyebrow raised. The atmosphere is a bit tense and he can feel David fidgeting by his side. 

“Were we supposed to meet?” Blaine asks.

“Do we need an excuse to come see you now?”

“Well, you’ve never show up out of the blue before, so I’m going to guess yes?”

Santana rolls her eyes. 

“We’ve come to pick you up.” Sebastian finally decides to talk, losing all the sudden interest he seemed to have in David. “We’re going out tonight.”

It’s better than his plan of staying in and watching some TV, that’s for sure. He wants to tell them that they could have at least texted him before showing up but he’s sure Santana is going to roll her eyes again, so he doesn’t risk it. He passes the invitation along to David, who politely declines and whispers his goodbyes. 

“I hate you both,” Blaine says, opening the door and refusing to hold it open for either of them. 

“You love us,” Santana quickly replies.

“And no one asked him to leave. He could have come.”

“Oh, shut up, Seb. It’s not that hard, being nice. He was going to help me with my German.”

“That’s how kids call it here?”

His blood is boiling and he has to bite his tongue before he says something he’ll regret. He slams his apartment door behind him, leaving them alone in the hallway and coming face to face with a confused Olivier that has stopped typing on his laptop to give him a questioning look. Blaine takes a deep breath and goes back to open the door. 

“You are too nice, B.” Santana squeezes his hand and pushes past him to go sit down on his couch. “We promise we’ll play nice. Right?”

Sebastian mutters something under his breath and Blaine decides to let it go before he ends up committing a crime. 

“Just give me fifteen minutes to take a shower. And if you could avoid scaring my roommate away too, that’d be great.” 

He can hear them chatting away from the bathroom, Olivier is laughing so at least he has no reason to worry now. He steps under the warm water and the noise coming from the living room quickly muffles away. 

* * *

He can’t remember why he was so against German music. He may not understand a single word of what is playing through the speakers and rap music was something he had never been a fan of, but for some reason he can’t quite understand now, it doesn’t sound as bad as he originally thought it would.

They didn’t tell him they were going to a party full of Law students, and Blaine couldn’t help to feel a bit out of place when they first got there. Sebastian seemed to know everyone and he wondered how it was possible that they had both been in Berlin the same amount of time when he had only managed to learn the names of ten people he shared classes with. Santana pretended to be uninterested in everyone who was at the party, rolling her eyes every time Sebastian went over to say hello to anyone new and whispering in Blaine’s ear any kind of gossip she thought he’d find interesting. She liked to pretend she didn’t want anything to do with the rest of them, but Blaine was starting to see right through her.

Sebastian doesn't spend much time apart from them, he goes to make small talk with a few people, not many words more than a simple hello, and Santana can't keep a smug grin off her face every single time he comes back.

They start dancing soon enough, it all starts as a joke, a silly dare to prove that just because they are going to be lawyers doesn't mean they don't know how to have fun. They challenge each other and Blaine is happy to follow along, missing the feeling of just letting go and enjoying the music, even if it's not in his usual way. There are little drops of sweat running down his forehead and the first button of his shirt came undone a while ago, but Blaine doesn't care, he only wants to keep jumping around to the beat of a song he's never heard before. Santana's laugh is loud, it can be heard even through the blaring music and Sebastian is jumping with him.

He doesn't remember having that much to drink, a couple beers and a few stolen sips from Sebastian's drink, but when it's about 4 am and they decide it's finally time to leave, Santana is very clearly drunk. Sebastian goes to say goodbye to a couple of people while Blaine stays, holding Santana by her waist to make sure she doesn't end up on the floor. She keeps muttering slurred words, Blaine's pretty sure he's heard a couple threats aimed at him in there, but it's just easier to ignore her and focus on following Sebastian's back through the room to stop the walls from spinning.

When he finally comes back he's holding their coats, and with a little help from the both of them with Santana's jacket, they are going down the stairs while Sebastian is calling a cab.

"No, no, stop."

They stop on the second floor; Sebastian sighs and Blaine starts to practice in his head how to apologize for his friend vomiting on someone else's doormat. He just hopes she doesn't choose one that belongs to an old couple.

"You okay?" Blaine finally asks, after he's given her more than enough time to take a deep breath.

She shakes her head.

"Let's walk."

"What?"

"Come on. Fuck the cab. Let's walk."

"It took us half an hour to get here. By bus," he reminds her but she looks way too determined and Blaine knows it's over even before it started.

"Boo hoo. Like you have anywhere else to be."

"My bed. Or someone else's, I'm not picky," Sebastian whispers while he's typing away on his phone. "Fine. Come on."

The air is cold and Blaine can feel it on his cheeks as soon as they set their first foot on the street, wondering why he thought leaving his scarf at home that night was a good idea. Santana seems convinced to know her way back home and although Blaine and Sebastian look at each other with a questioning look on their faces, they have to start following her before she gets lost.

"Can you believe we're in Europe right now? We are in Europe!"

Sebastian doesn't even try to keep her quiet anymore, he just looks around to make sure they are not bothering anyone and checks there's no one around to tell them off. They've been walking for a while and none of the streets they've passed looked that familiar. Blaine might not know Berlin that well but he considers himself capable of at least recognizing his own neighborhood. He's getting cold and he can't stop staring at Sebastian's big scarf that looks soft and cozy and wonders if he'd be fine sharing it with him.

It's been about an hour when Santana decides she's had more than enough walking for one night and sits down on the pavement, crossing her legs and patting the spot beside her. Blaine sits down next to her, with his legs on the road and making sure that there are no cars on either side of the road. She leans her head on his shoulder and he hugs her close.

"I'm tired."

Blaine grins.

"And I have no clue where we are."

"You said you knew the way!"

"Shhh."

He shakes his head.

"Can we quit the fighting and at least have breakfast?"

Sebastian is standing in front of them, with three coffee cups and a brown paper bag in his hands. Santana makes grabby hands at him and Blaine asks him where he managed to get coffee at 5 in the morning. He points to a small grocery that seems to be open 24 hours a day and Blaine feels a bit guilty for not even noticing he was gone.

"I love you," says Santana when he hands her one of the cups and he replies with a simple wink.

"Yours is extra warm," Sebastian says and Blaine can feel that warmth in his stomach before he's taken his first sip.

Sebastian complains about having to sit down on the ground, but there's nowhere else for them to sit and Santana doesn't want to wait any longer to drink her coffee, so he reluctantly accepts. Blaine finishes his croissant in a couple bites and Sebastian offers him half of his since he seems so hungry and he would get his passport removed if anyone found out he was eating store bought croissants. Santana calls him a snob but quickly takes his part before Blaine has time to raise his hand.

The sun rises while they are sitting on the pavement and Blaine smiles, not feeling as out of place in that strange country as he is used to by now.

When he finally gets home —thanks to a cab that Santana didn't seem to hate as much anymore—, he finds Olivier sleeping on the couch with his laptop screen dimly lit in front of him. He takes off his shoes and wakes his roommate gently, letting him know that it's almost morning and that he should go to bed if he wants to be able to move tomorrow. Matt was fighting with his girlfriend again and the living room was the only quiet place in the apartment he managed to find. Blaine tells him a bit about his night, about the party mostly, their improvised breakfast feels a bit too private to share it so soon, he'd like to keep that memory for himself a bit longer; before wishing his roommate a good night.

"Hey, at least let me know if you are going to bring home a guy I've slept with next time, okay?"

Olivier picks his laptop up and leaves Blaine alone in the living room, staring blankly at the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

"Do we really have nowhere better to be on a Saturday afternoon?"

"Santana," Blaine warns her.

"What? We're going to spend our Saturday in a museum." She pauses, giving him time to tell her off again, but Blaine's decided to ignore her complaints. "On our last Saturday before winter break."

"We still have another week before break."

"Almost our last Saturday, then. We should be celebrating." 

"It's not even 11 am!"

"Who cares?"

Blaine shakes his head. He doesn't want to argue that early in the morning, especially since he knows they are going to spend a couple hours there and he's trying to save some energy for later, he knows he'll need it. He doesn't give her an answer and instead goes back to checking his phone.

"We're here for him and he doesn't even bother to show up."

"He's only ten minutes late."

"Yeah, well, he's the one with the stupid assignment, and yet it's only you and me here."

Blaine checks again the same message he's been reading all morning. They are where they were supposed to be, next to the Berlin wall, but Sebastian's nowhere to be seen and Santana is already threatening to leave. Blaine tries calling him again when he sees him crossing the street.

"Finally." Santana has her arms crossed and looks ready to bite him.

He apologizes, blames his delay on a bad night and promises to buy them lunch to make up for it. Santana doesn't look any happier and keeps complaining about having to spend her Saturday in a museum only because Sebastian was stupid enough to sign up for a History class.

"And I'm taking another one next semester, too."

"You are a disgrace to Law students."

"Shut up."

Sebastian got each of them an audio guide and they started touring the Topography of Terror. They started moving through the panels, with the company of a British voice explaining to them what had happened in every case and narrating the story of Germany in the 1930s. It was a slow process; the exhibition was huge and after only seeing a couple of the panels Blaine was already starting to feel overwhelmed. They didn't say much, not even Santana, whose facial expression had completely changed and didn't even bother to fake indifference anymore. And Blaine, who had never been that interested in History, he passed that class without many difficulties when he was in high school but had not shown any interest in it since then; was completely entranced while Sebastian took some notes on his phone.

They stand in front of one of the walls a bit longer, the audio guide goes silent when it’s finished and their eyes stay glued to the small glass case in front of them. No one dares to verbalize how they are feeling, they don’t say a single word, but Blaine doesn’t need to hear it out loud to understand that that tiny pink triangle, affected by the time that’s passed but still bright enough to stand out, feels as heavy in their stomachs as it feels in his. 

Santana is the one who ends up breaking the spell. She clears her throat and leaves without giving an explanation, although neither of them need one.

"Have you got enough?" Blaine asks.

Sebastian shrugs and puts his phone back in his pocket.

"I can come back another day." He doesn't sound that convinced, Blaine can tell, but he believes it's because of how unsettling the whole museum is rather than because he'll have to spend extra time trying to finish his assignment. "Come on."

Blaine follows him outside and is thankful for the breath of fresh air that hits them as soon as they set foot on the street. It's strange, knowing what happened in that same place not even a hundred years ago and having everything feel so... normal. He's not sure if he's glad Sebastian asked them to come with him or if he'd preferred to stay home that morning.

They find her quite easily, she didn't have time to go that far and when she's wearing her bright red coat, she's hard to miss. They don't say anything when they arrive at her side, knowing her too well by now to understand that asking her if she is okay is only going to make things worse. They let the silence grow strong and comfortable around them, only listening to the sound of cars passing by and the few tourists that have also decided to visit the same place as them.

"I'm not sure I like this city."

She's the one that breaks the silence, a quiet whisper that sounds loud enough in Blaine's ear to wonder if it wasn't him who actually said that. Sebastian is the one who changes the mood and suddenly starts laughing.

"Please. Every professor in love with your attitude? Pretty blondes everywhere? You love it here."

She frowns but a small smile starts to spread in her lips.

"I don't love the cold."

"Maybe, but you love us," Blaine quickly adds.

"Worst part of my trip." Santana is grinning and Sebastian hits her playfully.

"You'd be miserable here without us."

"I came here to get away from Americans and look at me, surrounded by them all the time." He's not that sure she's joking around but at least she doesn't look as sad as she did before. "My first time out of the country and I end up stuck with you two."

They keep protesting, but they can't be that upset when she's clearly feeling much better already. Sebastian doesn't look that happy when she uses her new favorite nickname for him and calls him out for not choosing to go back to France for his year abroad. He said it was about time he learned a new language and that he knew too many people in Paris already, and although he likes to fake indifference, Blaine doesn't think he's wrong when he guesses that it's not true, or at least not the whole story. But he's never been in Paris, or France for that matter, and maybe he's right and it's not as magical as he had always imagined.

They ask him too what he is doing there, how he decided to come to Germany and Blaine takes a deep breath.

"It's one of the best music schools in Europe."

He considered for a moment going with the slightly longer story, letting them know about last year and his hopes that a change of scenery would magically solve his problems. At least he didn't lie.

* * *

Blaine is happy that he managed to stick to his goal and convinced his mother to come visit him for a couple days during winter break. It wasn't an easy task, he had tried to convince her for months, even bought the tickets as his Christmas present for her and used his best kicked puppy eyes over skype to convince her to not leave him alone during Christmas. He tried to convince his brother as well, but he didn't get that lucky with him. Cooper was busy filming something or other that he's sure will not get anywhere and couldn't get away from work. He promised him he'd try to make time to visit him, but Blaine's pretty sure he won't be seeing his brother until he comes back to the US.

Matt went back to England as soon as he was done with his classes, and although Olivier stayed for a bit longer he ended up going back to his home for a couple days. He invited Blaine to go to France with him if he felt lonely but he was too excited to see his mom to actually agree. And he thought some alone time would do him good, help him focus a bit more on his music. He had dreamt about spending his break between sheet music and sudden bursts of inspiration, but instead found himself wasting his time staring blankly at the ceiling and eating frozen pizza. He's met up with David a couple times, shared his nerves about the exams that are coming up next month and practiced a bit of his German —that Blaine would proudly say is improving at a much higher speed now that he is actually trying—; and he's done his best to keep himself busy, but there is not that much for him to do now that Sebastian and Santana have both gone back home. At least he's caught up with some of his favorite TV shows that he had been neglecting since he moved.

Things change when his mom arrives. He didn't realize how much he missed her until he sees her going out of the airport gate and wraps him in a hug that seems to last forever but that Blaine would love to stay in it for much longer. She had never been to Europe before and seeing her so amazed by everything around her makes Blaine wonder why nothing seemed to thrill him as much. Maybe he was the problem.

His mom insists on doing all the touristy things and although Blaine wasn't very excited when she mentioned it, he ends up enjoying it more than he had expected. They take silly selfies in front of the World Clock in Alexanderplatz to send to his brother, visit all the Christmas markets they can find around Berlin and take the tramway across town only because yellow is his mother's favorite color. They bake cookies in his oven, his mom leaves him enough home cooked food in the freezer to survive for at least another month and Blaine ends up tearing up when he's hugging her for the last time at the airport.

At least when he gets home that night he feels the need to go back to his keyboard and play for a couple hours again, so he guesses he'll be okay.

* * *

"If you continue tapping your foot, I'm going to murder you."

There's no reply and Sebastian doesn't stop his constant tapping. Santana looks scary enough that Blaine starts to consider if he believes her threat, no matter how ridiculous he knows it is. Or maybe he's just found a new way of distracting himself. She slams a pencil on the table and for a moment he thinks he can see Sebastian going through the same thought process he went through, considering if she is actually capable of hurting him. He ends up stopping and Santana looks way too smug with herself.

Sebastian offered them to come study at his place, and although Blaine wasn't sure if there was a reason for him to be there since they were studying completely different subjects, the library wasn't his preferred place and Matt had gone back to fighting with his girlfriend via skype, so he really didn't have a choice. Sebastian didn't have any roommates that would bother them and he had to admit that his living room couch was more comfortable than his own bed. He's been fighting his impulse to take a nap since he first arrived.

"I need another coffee," she announces before she stands up and goes into the kitchen.

Santana has been moodier since their finals started. She always had a strong personality and they never wanted to do her wrong, too afraid of a reaction they were aware would never be aimed at her. They know she's under a lot of stress, she doesn't want to lose her scholarship and she needs to do well in all her exams, so they have the unspoken agreement to let her be for those two weeks. They are almost finished anyway, Blaine only has one more test left and an assignment due that only needs a couple more hours of work to be done.

He's aware that he's not doing his best work, so used to always being one of the top students in his class that now feeling lucky every time he passes an assignment he thought he would fail is something he's still getting used to. Assignments that required more creativity have definitely not been his strongest suit this semester and at this point, Blaine can only hope that next semester things will be different and that he'll go back to feeling confident in his own creative abilities.

Sebastian is the one that looks more relaxed, excelling at disguising his insecurities and pretending like he's always in control. But Blaine has been observing him for too long at this point to be able to be fooled by his tricks anymore.

After a bit, Santana comes back with three cups of coffee. She doesn't say anything, just leaves a cup in front of each of them, but they don't need any words to understand that that's her way of showing she cares.

* * *

There's someone at his door.

He doesn't know how long they've been knocking on his door, he was wearing his headphones and too busy getting frustrated at his lack of ability to produce anything original. But by the sound of it, they've been there for a while, the knocking doesn't stop and he's starting to worry that whoever it is will be capable of knocking the door down. Blaine finds his slippers under his bed and quickly goes to open the door.

He wasn't expecting to see Santana that night, especially not holding a half empty bottle of what looks like vodka and still wearing her pajama bottoms. He's not sure how he's supposed to react, she looks like she started drinking a long time ago and it's not even 10 pm yet, and he's afraid his plans to spend the rest of the night alone with his keyboard are about to change.

"Uh... Santana?" She's still quiet and it's chilly in the corridor so he just opens the door a bit wider. She pushes past him, losing one of her shoes on her way to the couch. Blaine places it by the door and closes it behind him.

She's lying down, with her eyes closed and the bottle that she brought with her resting on the floor.

"You are all alone?"

He's well aware that he has explained it before, but given the state his friend is currently in, he doesn't mind letting her know about his roommate's trip to Vienna that weekend. She is surprised to find out that he didn't join them, and Blaine sighs before explaining to her again that he was looking forward to spending a weekend getting ready for the next semester. Santana calls him a nerd and Blaine grins because that was the same word she used when he explained that same story for the first time.

She continues making small talk with him, asks him about being scared of sleeping all alone in his apartment and what they should do the next day for breakfast. Blaine's starting to get tired of having to guess what she's saying through her slurred words without getting much out of them, so he asks the one question that's been bothering him since she arrived.

"Where's Sebastian?"

"Grandma broke a hip. He's back in Paris until tomorrow."

He checks his phone to make sure he didn't miss any messages from him, but there are no notifications waiting for him.

"Can you believe it? In Paris! And we have to be stuck here!"

"I'm sure he's not having a lot of fun, with his grandmother and everything."

"I'd rather be not having fun in Paris than not being in Paris at all."

Blaine has to give her that. Santana's breathing gets slower and slightly louder, and before he has any time to ask her anything else she's asleep on his couch. He starts considering it for a long while, playing around with the words on his phone screen before going back and deleting them all. He'd be ashamed to admit that he spent ten minutes typing and retyping a 'hope she gets well soon', but ends up pressing send after deciding that he's done embarrassing himself for one night. At least Santana won't be able to tease him about it.

_Thanks, b x_

He gets the reply instantly and groans. He throws his phone on the couch, far away, before he has a chance to do something he'll regret later.

"She's getting married."

Blaine didn't notice her waking up, too busy going back to acting like a fifteen-year-old.

"Excuse me?"

"My ex. Can I call her my ex if no one knew we were dating?"

She's waiting for his answer and the only thing Blaine can do is mumble something that doesn't make any sense. That was not what he was expecting when she showed up that night.

"Anyway, she's getting married."

Santana goes into the kitchen and comes back with two coffee mugs that she fills with vodka. Blaine raises an eyebrow and she shakes her head.

"Look I'm sad and heartbroken and very, very close to start crying. I would really like to vent tonight without you remembering it tomorrow, so will you please just drink with me?"

Blaine takes his first sip.

"I just liked her. I really, really liked her." Santana doesn't use any other word to describe it, but it's not hard to tell that she isn't telling the whole story. "And one day she dares to introduce me to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend! We' d been together for over two years and all of the sudden she has a boyfriend."

Blaine offers her another tissue that she rejects. She refills the mugs instead and takes another long sip before unlocking her phone and showing him the picture that Blaine guesses was what started it all. The ring is clearly visible, the girl has a big smile on her face and although there was no need for a caption, the multiple ring emojis beneath it make his stomach feel heavy.

There's a quiet sob. She tries to look away, a single tear streaming down her face that she quickly wipes away.

"Santana," Blaine whispers.

"I'm fine. It's fine." She doesn't look fine, but Blaine doesn't want to push her.

She doesn't mention her again, goes back to her small talk to try to keep her mind busy. He can start to feel the alcohol running through his systems, the tip of his fingers beginning to tingle and the room starting to spin around him. They end up playing a lonely version of never have I ever, but Blaine knows is only an excuse to continue going on about how much she is not over her yet.

"Never have I ever worn the same underwear three days in a row."

"Can you stop being lame?"

"Hey!" He complains, and takes a short little sip.

"You are disgusting." Santana shakes her head. "Never will I ever date someone in the closet again."

"That's not even how this game works!"

She throws a pillow at him as she finishes her drink.

"Never have I ever lied to my parents."

"Never have I ever fallen in love with someone who didn't love me back."

"Never have I ever eaten an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting."

"Never have I ever been cheated on."

"Never have I ever lost all my friends because of a relationship."

Santana raises an eyebrow. She was the one who kept making embarrassing confessions, and Blaine understood that his place that night was to listen and offer some support, but it slipped out before he had time to think about it. Maybe he should stop drinking.

He tries to continue the game, but she won't let him. So he tells her. He tells her about moving to New York, meeting a guy who was everything he was hoping for and getting so wrapped up around him that the only friendships he seemed to care about were his boyfriend's. He tells her about their two good years and about how it ended, predictable and bittersweet because they both wanted different things. He tells her about moving out of their apartment, about sharing a new place with complete strangers for his last two months in the city, about all their mutual friends, or so he thought, not choosing him. About not looking forward to going back.

"My mistake, really." He ends up admitting.

Santana stares at him for a while and Blaine's relieved to see that she's not pitying him. At least he gets that.

She clears her throat and raises her mug.

"Never have I ever tried to flirt with a professor."

And they drink.

* * *

His neck hurts.

That's the first thought that crosses his mind when he wakes up. He needs a moment to open his eyes, the room's too bright around him and something's telling him he's been sleeping for way too long.

It takes him a moment to realize he was sleeping on his bedroom floor. He feels confused and disoriented, his head pounding from the night before and wondering who's snoring in his bed while he's dealing with a sore back from taking the floor.

He starts to feel better after he takes a warm shower. His headache doesn't go away, but at least he's feeling a bit fresher and his back doesn't seem to be as sore as when he woke up. Santana's still sleeping peacefully in his bed, he guesses it might be a good idea to let her sleep in after everything that happened the night before. He's sure he has a couple eggs in his fridge, so he guesses he could make himself useful and cook some breakfast for the both of them. Or lunch.

Santana appears in the kitchen when he has two perfectly cooked omelets and is cutting a few strawberries. She smiles at him and takes the first bite.

"What time is it?" She asks, her mouth still half full.

"Past noon."

She groans.

"We're going to be late."

"For what?"

Santana shakes her head and leaves her half-eaten omelet on the kitchen counter in front of him. She takes a while to shower, and Blaine wonders how worried she actually was about time. There's not much in his closet that she can borrow, he's sure she's not going to like it, but he picks some clothes she can wear. She protests but ends up agreeing that a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants it's much better than going back to the pajama bottoms she was wearing last night.

They are lucky that his house is not that far away from the bus stop, but they are both praying that it gets delayed and they can get there in time. At least they know they can rely on the bus being on time, one of Blaine's favorite things about living in Germany. Unfortunately, they didn't realize the bus would be full on a Sunday afternoon, families going back home and the bus full of luggage and backpacks. They can't find a place to sit down so they stand next to a window, Santana resting her head on Blaine's shoulder and closing her eyes. His hands keep fidgeting around until Santana takes one of them in her hands and gives him a warm squeeze.

It's a bit late when the bus finally reaches their stop. They are the first ones out of the bus and Santana doesn't let go of his hand as they cross the airport doors. They run towards the arrivals desk and try to catch their breath to find the Paris flight on the screen. According to it, his plane has already landed and some people are coming through the doors. They can't know for sure that he hasn't left yet, but they stay next to the door a for a couple more minutes just in case Sebastian hasn't left yet.

Santana is telling him they should go when Sebastian comes through the airport gates. He looks tired. That's the first thing Blaine notices about him, that he looks tired. He looks handsome, he always looks handsome, but there are bags under his eyes and he's not wearing his usual smirk. He doesn't notice them, almost ready to walk right past them with his red carry-on bag behind him when Santana calls him over.

Sebastian starts smiling instantly.

"Missed us?"

But he ignores her, leaving his bag behind and wrapping them both in a big hug.

"Everything's okay, right?" Blaine is the one that asks him, thinking he can see something different in his smile. He nods.

"Absolutely. Paris is as cool as it's always been. You should come next time."

"And your grandmother?"

Sebastian laughs.

"Great. She'll get to spend more time in front of the TV now, she couldn't be happier. No need to worry, Killer."

Blaine's not sure he's convinced.

"So when did you say you're going back?" At least this time he laughs. "What? I've always wanted to go to Paris."

"Fine, fine, I'll take you with me next time. I don't know much about French girls, but French boys? Definitely something else." He's grinning, like he always is. "But Blaine can find that out for himself anytime he wants." He winks at him and Blaine has to join in and laugh along with them. Because that's all that it is, a silly joke.

Sebastian ends up paying for the cab home. Blaine insists on taking the bus, but Sebastian's tired and Santana would do anything to avoid a bus full of tourists and their luggage, so Blaine doesn't have much of a choice. They end up ordering terrible pizzas and eating them on the floor of Santana's living room. Sebastian shows them a picture with his grandma that they kept asking for, and he's sure Santana is going to be teasing him about it for the next two years at least. When he wants to know what he's missed that weekend, they tell him about drinking together last night, way more than they probably wanted, about playing a silly game and spilling more secrets than they probably wanted. Sebastian wants to play too, needs to find out all the gossip he's missed, but Blaine only needs one look from Santana to understand that his secrets are safe with her. He hopes she can read as much from him as well.


	4. Chapter 4

Santana is late.

Their train leaves in five minutes and Santana is nowhere to be seen. Sebastian is trying to contact her, giving up after a couple unanswered texts and deciding to give her a call instead. Or five. Blaine is sitting on the floor, trying to keep himself from falling asleep. They wanted to take an early train, have enough time to explore and still come back to Berlin before dawn. Sebastian and Blaine even had time to grab breakfast while they waited for Santana to arrive, but if Blaine's intuition is right and his German is good enough to understand what's been said in the announcement, the train that is currently arriving at the station is the one they were supposed to take.

He can see Sebastian panicking in front of him. He still has his phone glued to his ear and is looking around him, waiting for her to miraculously appear. But she is not at the station, and Blaine and Sebastian end up missing the train.

Sebastian looks down at him, looks like he's considering joining him on the floor, but then shakes his head and goes to sit down on the nearest bench, now empty after all the people that were waiting at the platform took the same train they were supposed to take. Blaine joins him, lets out a short sigh to then ask him if he's had any luck, even if he can already tell the answer from the obvious desperation he can see in his face.

"I'm going to kill her."

Blaine doesn't even find it funny how often they both have promised to harm the other every time they get irritated. He's too tired to find anything funny.

"We're taking the next train, whether she's here or not."

There's another train in twenty minutes, Santana is still nowhere to be found and Blaine's afraid it's only going to be the two of them.

He's glad they've decided to come. He talked with his mother about visiting Potsdam, a small city right outside of Berlin, but their plans changed and they decided instead to spend their day in Blaine's apartment watching terrible Christmas movies. So, when Sebastian mentioned he was planning to go on Saturday, Blaine quickly volunteered to keep him company. Santana, who never says it but Blaine's pretty sure is not okay with being left alone, ended up agreeing to come as well. Although she seems to have forgotten about that.

"She's probably asleep," Blaine tells him.

"I hope she has a better excuse planned."

They try calling her a few more times, even from Blaine's phone, but she never answers. The next train arrives, Blaine tries to convince Sebastian to give her a few more minutes, but Sebastian is still upset and he guesses he doesn't sound that convincing. They take that train, find some empty seats next to a window and send her a quick text letting her down that they left —Blaine quickly typing an apology for not waiting for her and hitting send before Sebastian can do anything about it.

"She doesn't deserve it." Blaine shrugs.

The train ride is not very long, Potsdam is less than an hour away, and they spend most of it sharing headphones and listening to a silly French band that Sebastian seems to love and Blaine tries very hard to pretend like he does too. They chat for a bit, not having much to share with each other when the last time they were together was only a few hours ago, and Blaine spends a bit too long staring out the window. That's how he imagined his year abroad would go, travelling around and surrounded by music.

"That's what everyone imagines, isn't it? Travelling around Europe."

"It's not what we are doing."

"Yeah, well, I've lived in Europe. I've done my fair bit of travelling around." Sebastian chuckles. "And I don't think Santana would tag along that often." Blaine has to agree with him, he knows she only agreed to come because the train ride was quite cheap. "Why aren't you?"

Blaine doesn't feel brave enough to admit that he doesn't want to go anywhere without them.

"My roommates are going to Zagreb next weekend."

"Croatia. Hmm… You'd love Croatia."

Blaine smiles.

"Probably, but it's Santana's birthday. She'd kill me."

It takes him a while to convince him, and he only has time to show him two songs before the train reaches their destination, but Blaine manages to take control of the music and play a couple of his favorite songs. Sebastian doesn't look that interested, but Blaine can hear him tapping his foot to the beat of the music and that's more than good enough for him.

It's a much bigger city than he had imagined. Sebastian wanted to visit a couple palaces that are right outside the town, but they need at least half an hour to reach the first one. Sebastian takes notes for as long as they are walking around, and although he said he didn't have any new assignment to complete when Blaine asked him, he needs to choose a topic for his final project and he seems to be interested in Germany in the eighteenth century. He chats about it for a while, how the last century and especially the World Wars had always been his preferred topic, but recently learning about the monarchs in one of his classes had sparked his interest. Blaine doesn't have much to add to the conversation, he's happy just listening to him talk and talk about something he likes that much.

There's another palace that's not that far away —or so they thought before they started walking— and they think they have enough time to visit it before they stop to have lunch. They spend too long walking through the gardens, admiring the roses and stopping in front of a big tree so Sebastian can take a picture of Blaine to send to his mother. He has to take the same picture at least four times, the sun shining in his eyes and making it impossible for him to keep them open. There's even a picture of the two of them sitting down on the grass, smiling and with their eyes half-closed, that they send to Santana when she finally replies to one of their texts. Blaine quickly adds it to his favorite album, he thinks he was quick enough to keep Sebastian from catching him, but the smirk in his face lets him know he might be wrong. 

The sun in his face is making his skin tingle. 

He didn't realize how much he missed the sun until he was finally able to walk under it. Winter hadn't been too harsh, David assured him that it was nothing compared to the previous year, but when the few rays of sunshine finally appeared at the end of February, Blaine tried his best to spend as much time as he could outside.

Blaine has his scarf on his hands, a bit too warm to be wearing it around his neck anymore. The trees around them are starting to grow their leaves again, spring is near and although there are no birds chirping, Blaine thinks he can hear a melody inside his head again. 

"They could have built the other palace a bit closer."

But Blaine lets him know he doesn't mind.

Sebastian is fascinated when they finally arrive. The place offers a couple tours, but Sebastian convinces him that it won't be necessary even if Blaine didn't need much convincing at all. He tells Blaine stories about the workers that built it, the balls that were held in one of the rooms and the importance of music back then. They stop in front of a drawing on one of the walls, something in Russian in bright red ink that none of them can understand but that is a clear testament of those walls living through a different time period. Sebastian can't seem to stop talking about Russian soldiers during World War II and Blaine wonders how come it's the first time he's seen him that full of life when they've known each other for five months now. He likes him even more.

They end up going back to Berlin later than they had originally planned. They get to watch the sunset on their train ride, tinging everything with orange, ocher and purple. And it's there where Sebastian apologizes, with the last beams of sunlight in his face, about being too intense and making Blaine listen to him all day long. He assures him that he's probably enjoyed it way too much, maybe even more than him.

"I don't think I'll ever want to visit another place without you telling me all about it."

Sebastian doesn't say anything, only giving him a small smile as a reply, and maybe it is Blaine who should start toning down his excitement.

That night, after his roommates have all gone to sleep and he can feel the silence enveloping him, he sits down in front of his keyboard, trying to recall that same melody he heard in his head earlier that morning. He tries playing around for a bit, changing some chords and even toying with the tempo and hoping he'll find a way to fix it, find what is wrong with it and how he can improve it but he ends up giving up after not being able to write anything that resembled how he was feeling that morning.

* * *

It's too loud. The speakers sound like they are about to explode and Blaine can feel the music in his bones, echoing to the beat. There's smoke everywhere, he can barely see the faces around him and the whole place smells like sweat. Santana keeps coming back with more and more cocktails and Blaine drinks, drinks, drinks.

The usual buzz left him long ago, he feels dizzy, his head is foggy and he only has enough coordination to continue jumping around to the music, not as gracefully as he's used to, but his mind is too far gone to actually care. The tips of his fingers are tingling, like they used to when he was getting ready to play and he's actually considering spending the rest of his days drunk if it means he can get that feeling back. 

"Happy birthday!" 

There's someone screaming in his ear, a face he doesn't think he's ever seen before, he tries to pull away but Santana's hold on his waist is too strong. She thanks the stranger and keeps her smile on her face for long enough to seem polite and goes back to dancing around with Blaine. He remembers then how he had planned to only have a couple drinks and not head home that late and starts laughing, loud and clear and beating in his chest. Santana joins him, too drunk to need a real reason to laugh. 

He spent most of his night glued to her, even when he tried to give her some space when one of her friends wanted to talk to her, she never let him. Santana wanted to spend her night with them, although more people ended up tagging along to her birthday celebration. He guesses he'll soon have to start getting back to the loneliness in his favorite city.

That is until she takes way too long on one of her trips to the bar. The effects of the alcohol he's been drinking start to go down after a while, the thrill leaving him and making his legs feel heavy and his feet sore and tired. He doesn't want to leave yet, yearning for that same feeling he's missed that much and hoping that only because he found it there it will magically come back to him again. There's not much more he can do but hope. 

He’s lost all the grace he thought he had a couple hours ago. His movements are uncoordinated and rusty, too slow to fit with such an upbeat song, and he's glad everyone seems to be too worried about themselves to notice. He trips with his own fit and was close to end up on the floor if it weren't for Sebastian.

He grabs his arm, gently but with a strong enough grip to keep him from falling on his face.

"Easy there." 

Sebastian doesn't let go of his arm and when he realizes he's maybe had too much to drink since he can't seem to thank him without mumbling incomprehensibly, he decides it's the right time to step outside and get a breath of fresh air.

The first thing he notices when they step outside of the club is that his arm hurts, hoping he's not broken anything or tomorrow he'll be useless at rehearsal. He can't seem to remember at what time he's agreed to meet to practice but he just hopes he'll be able to sleep past noon. Or maybe he could call pretending to be sick. But if he goes by how foggy his mind is in that moment, it won’t be much of a lie.

"Blaine."

Right. Sebastian. Sebastian, who looks worried and he can only hope there's another reason for that besides his current state. He doesn't want to worry him. 

"Do you want to go home?" But he shakes his head. He's not ready to go back to his empty apartment yet. And besides, he's pretty much sure that if he starts moving, he'll end up emptying his stomach on the street. "Are you sure you are okay?"

It takes him a moment, the cars passing by making sure that there is no moment of silence. Sebastian's frown gets deeper in his forehead and Blaine just wants to make it go away with the tip of his finger, smooth it out with a tender caress and make it go away. It comes out soft and small, a whispered confession that only needed copious amounts of alcohol to escape him.

"I've lost it."

"What? Please tell me it's just your keys and not your wallet."

Blaine shakes his head.

"No, not that." Blaine doesn't think it needs much more of an explanation when it couldn't be more obvious, but Sebastian didn't seem to be following him. "The spark."

"The spark. Right. Look, Blaine, let's just go home."

"But it's not back home, either. I had already lost it before I came here."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

About music, he tells him. It's always about music. About his music right this moment, but he's not sure he's allowed to keep calling it his when he's never felt farther away from it as he does now. How what had always been his safe space now was something that only made him worry, leaving him anxious about not being able to go back to his comfort zone. Sebastian still looks confused and Blaine can't believe he's not capable of explaining his biggest burden, the bit that's been bothering for almost a year.

"I thought I wanted to be a composer." He is incapable of saying it without letting a cynical laugh escape his lips. "For movies, ideally, but I wouldn't mind writing something else." So many years alone practicing, playing and wasting away his days testing how he could make a song mean something to now be unable to stay in front of his piano for too long before getting frustrated. "And now it doesn't matter what I wanted because I just can't do it anymore."

"Blaine…"

"I moved halfway across the world to see if I could get some inspiration back and the only thing I got out of this trip is the confirmation that I've lost it."

Those last words felt so heavy in his chest that finally letting them go out in the open is making him feel like he could float away, light and liberated. There's still some alcohol in his system, so he's probably not to be trusted when he starts feeling like his feet are no longer touching the pavement. He was looking for some vulnerability to hit him as soon as he finally said it out loud, maybe even feel ashamed now that someone else knows his big secret, but the relief is so strong that is probably capable of eclipsing any other emotions he's supposed to be feeling 

He's said it. He's said it and although it doesn't make it any less true, he can stop pretending for just one night that he's got everything under control.

"I peaked at nineteen." Blaine can't stop it anymore, after the first admission came out, he can't keep anything else inside him. He might be able to find some comfort in being hollowed out, perhaps finding someone to carry the weight of his fears with him for only one night. They are too heavy and Blaine is tired, so tired. "Isn't it sad? Nineteen!"

His eyes are starting to get watery and damn it, he was never the one to cry when he got drunk. He wonders if letting go of his tears is part of his catharsis, if letting go completely is what will keep him sane and let him float away.

"It's only downhill from here." 

His voice cracks with the last word, soft and tiny, almost non-existent, like his own self-worth. At least he's managing to keep his tears from trickling down his face, but only because he has been staring at his feet, at the streetlights and at anything that isn't Sebastian's face. He doesn't think he'll be able to keep them at bay if he looks at him.

Blaine can't keep talking, doesn't think he's physically capable to say anything else. He's exhausted and it has nothing to do with his sore arm and lack of sleep. If only the world could stop spinning for a bit, give him enough time to catch up with everything that's happened around him and process how he's going to act now that he's not the only one that knows. But time doesn't stop, it never stops when he needs it the most, and all Blaine can do is try to keep his breathing steady so he doesn't lose that as well. 

Time doesn't stop but Sebastian does wrap him in a hug and Blaine wonders why he was such a fan of the first option when there's probably nothing that could top how safe he's feeling in that moment. His heart is beating loud and clear in his chest, Blaine's so close that it's impossible to ignore it, a constant thud that reminds him of a passion he's been missing for a while.

"I don't know how to explain it so it makes sense." 

"It doesn't have to make sense."

"I just..." He's making an exhausting effort to keep it together for a couple more seconds, to continue holding himself. "I miss the music."

A soft sigh comes out and Sebastian tightens his grip around him.

"I really miss the music."

And in the middle of the street, Sebastian makes his own confession that night. Six whispered words that make him feel like a trembling little leaf in the middle of a tornado, so soft and quiet that Blaine is too far from the ground to hear them.

* * *

His hands are sweating.

Their turn is in less than ten minutes and Blaine is starting to wonder if he should start looking for the nearest fire exit. He only needs a little excuse, a tiny white lie about needing to use the restroom before leaving the building and never coming back. Of course, he'd have to start going to class in costume and maybe even change his phone number, but isn't that better than embarrassing himself in front of he doesn't know how many people?

He can't do this. He just can't. Blaine's going to be sick if the room around him doesn't stop spinning. Was it always this hot inside the dressing room? Great, now he's sweating and he's not only going to make a fool of himself but now his hair is also going to be a mess. He should just leave and spare the embarrassment of having to play with him. He's sure they can find another pianist in the next ten minutes, someone who can read sheet music and hasn't forgotten how to play an instrument he's been learning since he was ten.

"You okay?"

Oh, great. Now they are all looking at him. It looks like his plans of escaping are no longer an option since all eyes are on him. Fainting, maybe, it could solve his problems, they wouldn't make him play if he weren't feeling well, and according to how dizzy he's feeling, he won't even have to fake it.

"I don't think I can do this." He doesn't even have enough time to appreciate how good his German's gotten recently. He didn't even have to think what the right words were, they simply came out, and although his accent still leaves much to be desired, he can have a conversation without much trouble.

It was an awful idea. His fault, really. He decided to join in when he still thought it would be possible to find a solution to his problems, that maybe a bit more practice and even a different style of music would be exactly what he needed. So Blaine called that number on the notice board, assured the girl that answered him who was looking for a pianist that he would love to join her band, that he'd do his best to fit in even if he had no previous jazz training. And for some reason Blaine still didn't understand, they wanted him to join. He was nowhere near as good as the rest of them, their double bass player was probably the most talented musician he had seen in a while and when they showed him some of their original songs, Blaine knew he had no chance to join their band. But they wanted him. They were desperate, they assured him, their last pianist had just left Germany and they couldn't find anyone better. They wanted him.

"Of course you can." The sax player is the one who tries to reassure him, but she looks just as nervous as he is and doesn't seem to be able to handle any mental breakdown that isn't her own. Just what he needed. 

He would do anything to leave but he's got the same issue he has always had: he is too polite to stand them up. He knows how important that contest is to them, the prize is more than enough to pay for the new set of drums they so desperately want and it would also give them the chance to play in a jazz festival that is going to be held at the beginning of summer. He can't do that to them. Blaine takes a deep breath and prays that he won't pass out during their set.

Their name sounds through the speakers and all he can feel is nostalgic. He misses the person he used to be, the thrill in his guts and the anticipation tingling in the tip of his fingers. The boy that was always ready to perform, always eager to show what he was capable of doing is now trying to look as small as he physically can in front of the piano. 

There are no butterflies in his stomach, no excitement running through his veins. The only thing he has is his heart beating loud in his chest and cold sweats running down his back.

There's a second of silence before they start, their audience waiting in anticipation and all of them trying to gather their concentration and getting ready to play. It's only a second, a moment of silence, the most thrilling of them all and even then, he still feels empty. Nothing. 

He sighs, exchanges glances with the sax player, and after her almost unnoticeable nod, Blaine plays the first note. Everything follows after that.

It's not a long set. They only got twenty minutes and one of their songs is long enough to fill half the time. Blaine's not perfect, he never is recently, he is a bit off tempo for the first five minutes and completely messes up during their second son. But it's not bad, their songs are great and there's almost a full minute of clapping after the double bass finishes its solo. The energy on stage definitely helps, it's electrifying, everyone is enjoying it and just feeling the music, playing with their eyes closed and just letting go.

Blaine leaves the stage in a trance. He can't remember a single thing, has lived the whole performance like he was underwater, far away and not really conscious of what his hands were doing or of what was happening around him. No one says anything to him, he probably wasn't that bad then. His muscle memory is the one that everyone should be thanking, his fingers so used to dancing on top of the keys that they managed to get through the set without his head being really there. He played like a robot and if there is something jazz needs is emotion, but what can he do if he doesn't think he has got that in him anymore.

The only thing he wants is to enjoy it. To feel it in his bones. To just play.

He joins the group hug back in the dressing room. Everyone seems happy with their performance and they agree to meet back on Tuesday for their usual rehearsal. No one threatens to kick him off the band, at least he gets that.

Sebastian and Santana are waiting for him when the whole contest is over. They hug him and congratulate him, Santana kisses his cheek multiple times and Sebastian never lets go of his arm.

"You killed it on that stage tonight." Sebastian sounds sincere and Blaine wishes he could trust his opinion.

"But we only got second place." 

"Who the fuck cares? You were better than them."

"Yeah. You are practically a rock star." Rock has nothing to do with jazz, and he couldn't feel farther away from being a star, but he doesn't tell him off and decides that just for one night, he's going to believe that he can be one. The way Sebastian is looking at him, dark and intense, like he means every single word, is more than enough to convince him.

Blaine grins and nods.

"Come on. Drinks are on us tonight."

* * *

"Oh my god, shut up."

Blaine is about to start crying and Santana throws a French fry at him. He can't stop laughing, his belly is starting to hurt and he thinks he's going to feel it tomorrow. They've only had one beer each with their dinner, there's no way they are actually drunk, but for some reason Blaine thinks Sebastian's tale is the most hilarious story he has ever heard even if he was also there when it happened.

"I mean, a potted plant. You actually thought vomiting in… a potted plant was a good… idea." Sebastian has to make a few pauses in his speech because he's laughing too hard. Santana looks mortified and Blaine has to wipe away tears from his eyes.

"And the face of that man."

"Very funny, Blaine." 

"His face!" Sebastian agrees. "He didn't know what to do with it."

"I was on my period, okay? Alcohol affects you differently when you are on your period."

"That poor, poor plant."

"Hey!"

"Who knows how long it lasted after that."

"It's probably thriving now."

"Yeah, that is exactly the reason why there was no plant when we went back the next week."

"You can't know that."

Sebastian and Blaine continue laughing uncontrollably, his ribs getting sore from all the effort. Santana groans and curses them both, which only makes them start laughing harder.

"You wanna talk about embarrassing yourself, Smythe? Have you forgotten about that TA back in October?"

Sebastian suddenly stops laughing and Santana starts smiling.

"The poor guy thought he had a chance with you and you couldn't even remember his name the next day."

"How was I supposed to know he was going to be my TA?"

Blaine doesn't know why they've decided to exchange stories that all of them already know, but instead of finding them repetitive and boring, he thinks he's never heard anything funnier. Sebastian doesn't even try to look ashamed when Santana reminds him that that guy gave up his job after Sebastian continued ignoring him in class, and instead kind of looks proud of himself. Blaine shakes his head.

They only have a couple more months before their year abroad ends and they all have to go back to the States. Santana will go back to Boston, Sebastian to Chicago and Blaine, well, Blaine guesses he'll end up heading back to New York. It's strange, realizing that after spending almost every second of the last months together they won't be spending much time together anymore. He wonders if he'll feel homesick when he heads back home, and if it's the city what he will end up missing or if it will be something else entirely.

"You have to come visit me in New York." It slips out of his mouth after Santana stops retelling the tale of Sebastian getting locked out of his own apartment and the three of them calling an emergency locksmith at 5 am.

"Duh. You need better friends." Blaine smiles, he never talked with Santana about that night again, both were too drunk to remember all the details but he doesn't need to ask her to know that they both remember the important parts. "And besides, since this one here will never take us to Paris, New York is the next best thing."

Sebastian rolls his eyes.

"I told you, next time come with me."

"Yeah, right. We'll be lucky if we see you in New York."

"Of course you'll see me in New York." He stops joking around for a moment and looks serious. "I'll miss Blaine."

Santana huffs and Blaine can feel all the blood inside his body rush to his face. He tries to laugh it off, pretend like he doesn't have as much of an effect on him as he actually does and hope that he's not as obvious as he guesses he is. He lies to himself and tells himself that he doesn't want to give Sebastian the satisfaction of knowing how easily he can get under his skin, and he can almost believe his own tricks. 

"Look at me, making plans with soon to be lawyers. I have a reputation to maintain, guys."

Santana looks annoyed and Sebastian asks for another beer.

They are considering going to a small bar that they like and isn't very far away. Santana lets them know that she'll be leaving soon, the girl she met on her birthday and who she's been seeing for almost a month now asked her to come over that night and she doesn't want to disappoint. They tease her about getting a girlfriend and all she does is smile, quite proud of herself, and promise that she'll go after the first drink.

They are on their way to the bar when his phone starts vibrating in his back pocket.

_Matt and Laura have def broken up._

_His words. Probably will get back together next week._

_Anyway, if u wanna come, we have an extra ticket._

"Oh, shit."

Santana asks him what has happened now. Blaine shakes his head and pockets his phone again, not bothering to send him a reply.

"My roommate. He's broken up with his girlfriend."

Santana doesn't look that impressed. 

"Again?"

"Apparently," Blaine tells her while Sebastian is getting the first round of drinks. "Seems serious this time, though."

Santana doesn't agree and reassures him that they've broken up at least five times since he's been here. Blaine shrugs.

"Are we talking about Blaine's roommate?" Sebastian asks, drinks in hand and looking mildly uninterested. "It's happened again?" Blaine nods. "Was the last break up the one when he broke two chairs?"

"Nope, the last one was when he decided to paint his room yellow. The broken chairs one was back in December, wasn't it?"

"Right. Back when it started snowing."

It was unplanned, but they continue recalling memories that they've lived together. They make fun of Santana for spending all her money on expensive coffee only because she thought the barista was cute and that time they had to listen to a girl playing the guitar terribly at an open mic because Blaine and his band had decided to join very last minute.

Santana keeps her promise and ends up excusing herself after a bit. They try to convince her to stay for a bit longer, promise they will stop bringing up embarrassing stories about her, but Blaine knows there's not that much they can say. She looks happy and Blaine's very glad that she got lost the night of her birthday and ended up running into her. 

"Don't have too much fun without me." She gives them a warning as she’s putting on her denim jacket and then goes out the door.

Sebastian looks tired, he tells him that he ended up staying up late finishing an assignment and that he's agreed to meet a classmate next morning to prepare a presentation. And although it couldn't be farther from what Blaine wants to be doing that night, he asks them if he'd rather go home now.

"Nah, it's not that late. One last drink?" He asks, a crooked grin on his lips and a soft sparkle in his eyes. Blaine finds it impossible to say no.

They end up staying there for more than another hour, sitting in their usual table at the back of the bar. None of them really want to leave, finding silly things to talk about, making fun of Blaine's professor or even agreeing to go to the movies on Sunday to watch a silly superhero movie that neither of them is really interested in. Santana will probably hate it and it just makes them both more excited to go. Sebastian is starting to get drunk, his cheeks are flushed and he keeps laughing way too hard at Blaine's bad jokes.

"Ah…" Sebastian says, wiping away tears from his eyes after Blaine's silly remark about his roommate looking slightly similar to the main character from cartoon show they both used to watch as kids. "I'm really going to miss you." 

And Blaine kisses him.

He doesn't stop to think about what he's doing, is almost instinct, Sebastian looking so handsome and being so close that Blaine can smell nothing else that isn't him. He can't stop himself. Blaine presses their lips together; a sweet little peck is all he can manage before he realizes what he is doing. 

Blaine wants to pull away, with an apology already ready on the tip of his tongue. But before he has a chance to excuse himself, Sebastian pulls him in for another kiss. He's holding his face with his hands, Blaine's skin burning wherever he's touching him.

They kiss and kiss and kiss. Blaine would like to talk, explain what they are doing and maybe even ask if it has the same meaning for Sebastian as it does for him. But now that he's kissing Sebastian he doesn't think he'll ever want to be doing anything else with him. His tongue is in his mouth and his hands are running through Sebastian's hair, so soft and smooth. It's all he can smell, all he can taste. He can feel him everywhere, on the tip of his fingers and on a constant mantra in the back of his mind. Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian.

Blaine has to bite his tongue every time they pull away for air in case something stupid slips out of his mouth. It's only for a moment, but Blaine thinks he feels invincible when he's kissing him.

Sebastian takes his hands and starts leading him towards the bathroom, not pulling away from the kiss from more than a couple seconds at a time. Sebastian closes the door behind them and Blaine's the one that kisses him against the wall. He's taller, Blaine has to stand on the tip of his toes to properly kiss him and Sebastian makes sure he's not going anywhere by wrapping his arms around his waist and keeping him secure against him.

It's Blaine who decides to make the first move. His hands are dancing around the waist of his pants, and only needs a couple more encouraging kisses to finally pull down the zipper and start pushing them down his legs. Sebastian pulls away and looks at him, properly looks at him, fascinated and completely in awe of him. Blaine smiles. He's done that. It's him what's made Sebastian look like that. After giving him one last kiss, Blaine drops to his knees.

His underwear joins his jeans soon enough on the floor. Sebastian starts moaning as soon as Blaine wraps his mouth around him.

"Blaine. Blaine." His voice is breathy, almost rushed. He has his eyes closed and his head resting on the wall behind him. He bites down on his lip and all Blaine wants is to hear him say his name like that again.

It doesn't take long for him to come, with one last cry that sounds too similar to Blaine's name for him to believe it is a coincidence. Sebastian drops down to his knees too and pulls Blaine in for another kiss, deep and passionate, one that makes Blaine's head spin and leaves him feeling warm and wanted. He offers to reciprocate, and although Blaine can tell he looks eager, the dark circles under his eyes let him know just how tired he is. He shakes his head, with a sheepish smile that he can't seem to pull away from his face.

"Next time," he promises.

"Next time," Sebastian repeats and seals their deal with one last kiss. 

They leave the bar hand in hand, grinning like fools. They have to whisper their goodbyes soon enough, Blaine thinks he's never seen Sebastian flustered in the way he is when he comes back after he started walking in the opposite direction for one last kiss. They kiss and Sebastian finally leaves without another word. Blaine's sigh sounds loud and clear, full of regrets after not being brave enough to invite him to come back and spend the night with him. 

He's in the back of a cab, already on his way home and with his eyes closed, when he realizes that he might have gotten it all wrong. He knows how Sebastian acts around the people he sleeps with, but he has to hope it's not going to be the same with him. They are friends, after all. Aren't they? It's not like he's going to start pretending like Blaine doesn't exist. They spend basically every day together, he can start ignoring him now. Of course not. He's tired. He's obviously not thinking clearly and overreacting. 

Right? 

He wishes he hadn't had time to get his hopes up, or at least have one last night of bliss before being aware of how he's managed to screw up again. He checks his phone, considers how pathetic texting an apology to a guy he's just blow in the bathroom of a bar is, but the cab's reached his street and he needs to get going. He pays for his trip and gives the driver a more than generous tip for keeping him from doing something stupid.

He gets his jacket and sends a quick _sure_ to the most recent text that he had left unanswered.

* * *

Blaine's phone has been silent all morning. He doesn't know what he was expecting, he'd probably be making fun of him if he could see him hanging around his phone all morning and checking it every ten minutes in case he's missed a call that never arrives. He's folding sweaters on his bed, considering whether he should take more than three or if he'll end up getting cold.

He gives him time to reach out, his roommates are probably going to get mad at him for taking so long, but he keeps holding out hope for a call, a text, something to calm down his nerves and convince him to stay. 

"The taxi is downstairs!" Olivier calls out from the living room and Blaine has to close his suitcase and grab his coat. 

He doesn't say anything, Matt's complaining about his girlfriend —technically ex-girlfriend now but he doesn't want to use that word— and they are sitting in silence listening to him. Blaine still checks his phone every couple of minutes, updates his feed and checks that there are no new updates.

The airport is not that busy and they manage to get through customs fairly quickly. Olivier asks him if there's something wrong, but he really doesn't want to talk about it, after all, he only accepted to join them on their trip to stop his mind from overanalyzing what happened and rejoice in his own misery. Besides, he doesn't want to talk about it with Olivier of all people, who hasn't exchanged more than a few words with Sebastian since they hooked up. He blames his silence on a hungover he's not feeling and smiles for the picture Matt wants to post to show his ex that he's perfectly fine without him.

He tries to buy more time, takes one last trip to the bathroom when they are about to board, gets last in line and spends way too long looking for his passport that has always been in the same pocket inside his bag. The flight attendants are not very happy with his tardiness, and Blaine apologizes a bunch of times as he's finally getting on the plane. He finds his seat, ignores all the instructions he hears about putting his phone on flight mode and fakes a smile while he watches them demonstrate how to put on a life jacket. Matt is already snoring next to him and Olivier brought his own book, so none of them can keep him entertained.

The engines start roaring under his feet and with one last sigh, Blaine turns off his phone.

* * *

_You are in fucking Denmark?_


	5. Chapter 5

Maybe he doesn't like Denmark.

It's his last day in Copenhagen, their flight is later that night and Blaine can't wait to finally leave. He's glad their trip was only supposed to be a couple days long, he never lets his roommates know how much he is regretting accepting to come, it's his own fault after all, making decisions at 2 am when he wasn't particularly mentally stable. And no matter how much he likes to believe that he is good at keeping what he's feeling hidden, something tells him that his roommates know something's not right. Either that or he's not as good as he thought at keeping a straight face. Probably the second one.

That morning, after they woke up and had their fair share of Danish pastries for breakfast, Blaine blame his apathy on a non-existent headache and announced that he would be staying in their hotel for the whole morning. They agreed to meet at lunch time and left without asking for further explanations; Blaine starts to wonder if there was a real reason for him not hanging out with them that often. He's not sure he actually likes them.

It's a little strange, walking around a different city on his own. He was hoping he'd be able to appreciate the charm of a new city now that he wouldn't have to listen to their roommates go on and on about Matt's ex or their plans for the summer. But after spending a couple hours walking around in silence, Blaine wonders whether he's getting that cynical that he thought what had been bothering him those past few days were a couple comments about travelling to Spain.

Everything feels too similar to when he first moved to Germany, back at the end of summer, moving around a different city that he's not sure he likes, being unable to communicate with anyone that doesn't speak English, wandering around on his own. The loneliness. Yeah, it was not his brightest idea, deciding to come.

If he only has a couple hours left in the country, Blaine guesses he should at least try to enjoy them. He buys a bunch of his favorite coconut pastries, some for his walk but also so he can bring them back home and share them with... well, with David, he guesses. He's not sure he likes coconut, but he'll bring a couple with him to class on Monday and see if he wants to try them. He takes a couple pictures to send to his mom, tries to read a couple signs and leaflets about Denmark but none of them keep his interest for very long.

He finds a small little coffee shop, not too far away from where they are staying, and sits down to have a cup of coffee and try to come up with a solution for the mess he has created. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do when he comes back. Blaine doesn't think he should give an explanation for his trip, after all, he never asked. Maybe he doesn't really care that much. It's a sensible decision, not addressing the issue. Fake normalcy. He just hopes things go back to what they used to before the other night. And also has time to wonder if every attempt he makes at having a relationship is going to leave him friendless. And if he's the one to blame for that, but who else would he blame instead?

They go back to Berlin that night. Blaine pretends to be asleep for most of the flight and lies down on his bed as soon as they reach home, staring at the ceiling and feeling anxious about what is going to happen the next day.

Santana's text is still unanswered.

* * *

He overreacted. Nothing was as weird as he originally imagined. Life goes on after that night, he goes back to class, to rehearsal, to pretending like he's got everything under control. He picks very carefully the places where he decides to spend his time, doesn't want to risk running into him when he knows he isn't ready yet. He sticks to what he thinks are safe places; the coffee shop on campus, the library downtown, his own room. Never goes anywhere close to where he lives, the bars they used to go to are also places he avoids.

Blaine still hasn't heard anything from him. He's been avoiding Sebastian, yes, but he's not the only one. He hopes that with a little bit of time it will all get easier and they can go back to being friends, find a way to bottle everything he's been feeling up and have the same relationship they used to have.

He's seen Santana a couple of times. She didn't look like she was angry, didn't even mention his trip to Denmark or what happened with Sebastian right before he went away. She acted like she knew nothing although Blaine knows that she does. Everything seemed to be going according to his plan, everyone around him is pretending like it never happened and Blaine would like to know why the blame keeps circling around in his stomach if that was what he wanted to happen, how he wanted everyone to react.

He ends up spending a lot more time with David. They go out for dinner, spend a lot of time at David's apartment working on their final project, he even introduces Blaine to his girlfriend. They get closer than they've been before, Blaine gets to practice his German and is happy that he will end up returning home having learned more than he was expecting. He never tells him about Sebastian, David knew he used to hang out with different people and brings it up in conversation one time, but Blaine's quick to change the topic and avoid having that conversation.

"They are busy with school." He guesses he can't be that wrong, but he has no way of checking if it is true when they are still not talking.

Most of his time, however, is spent alone in his room with his keyboard. He's been getting more comfortable with playing lately, rehearsing with the band has been helping, he's found a new interest in jazz music and starts actually looking into how he can continue playing that particular genre of music when he goes back to New York. He has to write one last piece before he goes, his final assignment for his composition class, and looking at how lucky he's been in that area lately, he doubts he'll be capable of producing something. He continues trying, changing a couple chords here and there, trying to get the new melody to express everything that he's been feeling. He hasn't been successful yet, it still sounds ordinary and trivial, it lacks depth but he thinks he'll be able to get something out of it.

He's there, playing with his headphones on, trying to make it sound as bittersweet as he imagines it to be, when his phone vibrates next to him on his bed. He guesses it's his brother again, asking him to like the latest photo he's uploaded or to show some excitement on social media about his next commercial. Blaine sighs, goes to put his phone in silence so his brother will stop bothering him only to find out that the last text he received wasn't from Cooper.

Santana is asking him to go out that night. Only a couple drinks, she says. Nothing serious. She doesn't mention anything about Sebastian, but he knows he's also included in the plan. The first thing that crosses his mind is rejecting the invitation, telling her that he's not feeling well or that he has other plans, something that they both know is not true but that he hopes Santana will not say to his face. He only has two months left, it wouldn't really take that much work to continue avoiding him for the rest of his trip. It's not like they are ever going to see each other again.

Blaine is starting to hate the person he's becoming. He has never been particularly proud of himself, he's usually aware when he does something wrong and understands that there are a lot of parts of himself that need some improving. His last months in New York before coming to Germany, for example. Accepting that it was his fault after all, pushing people away because he didn't want to hurt anyone, letting people go without doing anything about it. Deciding to spend his next year abroad, running away from the city and filling out a form without giving it much thought. Not being brave enough to face his problems. He really doesn't want a repeat of that, doesn't want to add a new item to his never-ending least of regrets.

So he accepts.

He spends too long fixing his hair that night and choosing what clothes to wear. He's nervous, he keeps biting his nails, an old childhood habit that only comes back when he is unable to control his nerves. He checks himself again in the small mirror they have next to the door, already wearing his jacket and making sure one more time that he looks okay. He wonders why he's behaving like he's meeting a bunch of strangers that night instead of his friends, but he already knows the answer to that question and he's not sure he likes it.

Blaine finds them in their usual table, in the corner next to the bathroom door. He watches them for a bit, before neither of them notice his presence, and is relieved to see that nothing looks different. Sebastian is laughing while Santana rolls her eyes, as annoyed as usual. He wonders if it's possible that he looks even more handsome than usual.

"Hey," he says when he reaches them, taking off his jacket and finding a seat for himself.

Everything feels normal. They both smile at him when he arrives, even Sebastian, and go back to chatting about one of their professors who seems to hate Santana. None of them seem to be angry at him, they catch him up with everything he's missed and include him in their conversation. Santana keeps complaining, Sebastian must think it's the funniest thing he's ever heard and Blaine fakes a smile and asks himself why he doesn't find it funny anymore.

Santana excuses herself to go to the bathroom and Blaine braces himself for what is about to happen. It's what he has been waiting all night, the real reason why he decided to come, to talk things through with Sebastian —he just hopes it's not as bad as he's imagining in his head. But it never comes. He asks him about his band, if they have any other gig coming and what he is going to do over the summer. He wonders why he was so desperate for normalcy when it's only leaving him feeling numb.

He doesn't stay long, announces that he's going to leave after he finishes his second beer and blames it on an early class the next morning that doesn't really exist but that they have to no way to check his lie. Or any interest, for that matter. Blaine's sad and disappointed, he doesn't think mixing those emotions with more alcohol is a good idea. One last quick trip to the bathroom to check that no one can tell how he's really feeling in the mirror. He says goodbye to Santana, promises to hang out again soon and asks where Sebastian is so he can tell him he's leaving. Santana just points her head.

He's talking in the bar with another guy. Blaine's never seen him before, but that doesn't say much since he hasn't been hanging out with Sebastian either. They could have known each other for weeks and Blaine would have no idea. Or maybe they've known each other for longer, before everything that happened between them. It's not like he owes him an explanation. He gathers his things, his jacket and his hurt pride, and leaves the bar.

* * *

Blaine has three weeks left in Berlin and all he really wants to do is properly say goodbye. He's getting ready to go back to the States, some of his winter clothes are already in boxes, ready to be mailed to his mother's house next week, he's placed an ad in a second-hand shop for his keyboard and he is almost finished with all his final assignments. His room is starting to look like it used to when he first moved in, empty and hollow, like it belongs in a catalogue and not meant to be lived in. 

He ends up spending more time with his roommates now that he doesn't have that much people to hang out with anymore. They celebrate Matt's birthday —his girlfriend comes too, so he should probably stop calling her his ex— in a small party at their place. Blaine doesn't drink that much, he's not sure he finds joy in alcohol anymore and it's just easier to get through his days when he is sober. Olivier asks him why his friends didn't join them and Blaine is proud to admit that he managed to find a believable excuse in less than five seconds. He doesn't tell him he never invited them, of course.

Blaine hangs out with Santana and Sebastian two more times after that one night back in the bar, but after a while Blaine finds it easier to reject all their invitations, that is until he stops getting them altogether. Things are still weird between them, he doesn't enjoy spending time with them as much when their relationship is so awkward and Blaine would rather go back home with the memories of the good months still intact in his mind and not have them tainted with the awkwardness of the last two months. They don't seem to be hanging out that much either, the last photo they uploaded together was two weeks ago, and Blaine knows Santana can hardly do anything without making sure it ends up on social media.

He says goodbye to his band as well. He thanks them for letting him play with them, accepting him and putting up with his insecurities and assures them that they have a promising future ahead of them. He gives them David's number, he's not sure if he will be up to playing with them, but tells them that he is a great pianist and that they should give it a go. Some of them actually look sad on his last day at rehearsal, and Blaine can't believe he's managed to make a lasting impression in such a short time.

He also says goodbye to David. They promise to stay in contact, to text and email and send postcards even. David promises to come visit him in New York, and although Blaine doubts it will be true, he is glad that he decided to go talk to him that day back in November. He thanks him for being his friend and for not making too much fun of his pathetic attempts at speaking German, for being the most patient teacher Blaine could get. They play around on David's piano for a bit and he invites him to stay for dinner. It's like he doesn't want Blaine to go and he has to say he's not the only one feeling.

But most importantly, he makes the final arrangements to his song.

* * *

He's nervous. The day has finally arrived and the knots in his stomach seem impossible to untie.

He checks that he's brought the sheet music with him for the third time in a row, makes sure that he hasn't confused it with anything else. It's not like he needs them, he knows every single note by heart, he's practiced it every single day since he managed to finish it and is sure he won't need to look at the staves at all during his performance. But it's always nice, having the reassurance that is there to pick him up in case he falls.

The main problem of being called Anderson is that he is first in line. He only has a couple more minutes before the whole event starts, and he wishes the whole thing could be over and done with already.

At least he knows that there will be a couple of familiar faces in the audience, cheering him on. Olivier agreed to come and record the whole thing so he could send it to his mother and his brother. David was also taking that class, so he's backstage with him getting ready to perform. He invited Santana to come as well, and although he didn't reach him specifically, he did post about it on his Facebook wall, making sure the place and the time were correct, and hoped he would read it and decide to come too.

They call his name. It's time. Blaine takes a deep breath and goes up on stage.

"This is called _Abschied._ "

Some shy applause. A deep breath. And then the first note.

Blaine has his eyes closed during the whole performance. If he makes any mistakes, he's not aware of them and he wouldn't have it any other way. It starts soft and small, almost shy in the way the notes keep coming, one after the other, but it grows stronger as the song progresses. It still sounds sad and bittersweet —something that he found difficult to achieve but that he's managed quite successfully—, he hopes everyone can feel it too and wishes he could be playing his song about his wounds healing to the beat of a drum, but they weren't allowed to use more instruments. It's truthful and deep and he thinks he's managed to pass that feeling on.

Blaine doesn't know if it's a good song, but it means something and that's everything he wanted.

Santana is waiting for him as soon as he comes off the stage. Her eyes are red and Blaine finds it hard to believe that it's because of him. They hug and Blaine realizes how much he's missed having her as a friend. She tells him how much he liked it multiple times and all Blaine can think is that he is not ready to say goodbye to her yet. It takes him a while to ask what has been crossing his mind all day long.

"Do you know anything about Sebastian?"

Santana doesn't look that excited to reply.

"He's not here."

"I… I know that." He doesn't want to look disappointed, he knew not to get his hopes up. But it's not easy, he wanted him to hear it. "But do you know anything about him? How is he?"

"Blaine. He's not here."

Something's not right.

"Where is he?"

"Paris."

"What?"

"He went back home a couple weeks ago."

"But… A couple weeks? Are you done with your classes already?"

Santana shakes her head.

Blaine doesn't understand. The first thing he feels is anger: that was not how things were supposed to end. He left without saying goodbye, without an explanation. He thinks he deserved at least that, even if he hasn’t been the best one at that recently. He guesses it's over then, he'll need to make peace with the idea that he's not going to get real closure, but there really isn't much more he can do now.

"Come with me to Paris." The idea comes to him suddenly, on a whim, and although he knows it sounds crazy, he can't think about anything else.

"What?"

"Come on. How long have you talked about wanting to visit? Come with me."

"I… I can't."

"Yes, you can. I'll get the tickets."

"Blaine."

"Santana. Please. Come with me to Paris."

She continues looking at him like he's gone crazy and Blaine's not so sure she's wrong.

"Okay. Okay, let's go."

* * *

The city is huge and either of them knew more than three words in Paris their search would be much easier. He managed to find a couple empty seats on a flight that was leaving early the next morning, so he bought them without giving himself time to think it through. They needed to come back to Berlin the next day, Santana had an exam that she couldn't miss and he really couldn't afford to pay for one more night at what he felt like the most expensive city in Europe. So they didn't have much time.

Paris doesn't help them. The metro system is incredibly complicated and they waste too much time getting lost trying to find their way to the hotel they had booked. Santana has tried to reach him, but he's not picking up his phone and hasn't answered any of her texts either. Blaine doesn't want to worry about not finding him, they have his mother's address and he had told them what some of his favorite places in the city were before, but he's just hoping that just for this once, luck is on his side.

They arrive at his mother's house right before noon, but no one opens the door for them. Blaine insists on waiting around, they find a small café where they can grab something to eat and make time in case he decides to go back home. But there's no one there when they knock on the door again. They try going to a museum he's talked about before, and although Blaine can picture him walking around those rooms perfectly, the place is too big for them to be able to find anyone there.

The rest of the day goes by quickly, they visit a couple more places but they well know that they will not be lucky if he doesn't want to be found. Paris is too big, and hoping that they will randomly run into him on the street is a trick that only works in the movies. They are ready to give up, go back to their hotel and maybe let him know where they are staying, just in case he wants to talk to them before they have to leave the next morning, when Santana's phone vibrates. They've got him. Blaine lets out a long sigh full of relief. They know where he is.

It's Blaine who ends up going, it's getting late and Santana would like to go review for her exam the next day. They don't even know for sure if he's going to be at his grandma's house in that moment, the only thing he told them was that he was staying there for now but Blaine can't leave without giving it a try. He can't stop tapping his foot on his way there, the bus is not moving as fast as he would like it to, and he knows that the more time he spends going from one place to another the chance of being able to talk to him gets slimmer.

When he thinks he's there, that he has finally arrived with his heart beating loud in his chest and out of breath from running all the way there from the bus stop, he finds one last barrier.

"Please, let me in."

But the doorman doesn't seem to speak any English. He keeps repeating the same sentence in French over and over again.

"Please. Just ten minutes. I only need ten minutes."

He shakes his head again and Blaine can't believe he's come this far to be stuck here. He's not getting in. He doesn't want to throw everything away that easily, but there not much more than he can do. At least he tried.

"What are you doing here?"

It's him. Blaine starts considering if he's going mad and hallucinating in the middle of the street, but it's him.

"Sebastian."

For some reason, he was expecting to see him changed. Maybe more tired, but at least a bit affected after everything that had happened. But there's nothing different about him, he looks exactly like he used to and for a second Blaine forgets that they are not back in Berlin, meeting on their way to dinner or any other place.

"What are you doing here?" he repeats, and he doesn't look as happy to see him as Blaine was hoping.

"Looking for you," he whispers back.

Blaine, who had always been optimistic about the whole trip and being able to find him, loses all his confidence at once.

"Go home, Blaine."

That was not what he was expecting. He guessed he wouldn't be happy to see him, they hadn't talked in months and showing up at 11 pm at his grandma's house was probably not the best way to reach him, but he never thought he would blatantly refuse to speak with him. Sebastian takes his keys out of his jean pocket and Blaine steps in front of the door that he was not allowed to cross earlier.

"Please."

"What the fuck do you want, Blaine?" He's seen Sebastian mad before, but that anger had never been directed at him before. He knows he can be mean and he prepares himself for the blow he feels it's about to come.

"I want you to come back."

Sebastian laughs and this time it doesn't sound like music to him.

"Come back?"

"To Berlin. To class. I'm sure they will let you retake all your exams, how hard can it be to convince them? But you have to come back. We still have two more weeks."

“They are not going to let me retake anything, Blaine.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’ve dropped out.”

“W-what?” 

“I’m officially a college drop out.” There is a smile on his face but it’s not reaching his eyes. “I finally did it.”

“Maybe we can fix that.”

“But I don’t want to fix that.” For the first time since he arrived, Sebastian isn’t smiling or angry or showing any other emotion on his face. He looks serious, like he really means every single word and Blaine is starting to believe him. “Please don’t tell me again how you think this can be solved. I don’t want to be a lawyer. My father hasn’t heard about it yet, but I’m sure it won’t take that long and trust me, he is not going to be happy about it.”

“But Sebastian…”

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear you pitying me or telling me that I’m being reckless.”

“But I don’t-”

“Please,” he interrupts him and his voice comes out so soft and small, a register he’s never heard from him before, that Blaine shuts up instantly. “Just go home, okay? Go home.”

* * *

They are tired while they are waiting for the cab that will take them to the airport.

When he came back last night, exhausted from the long day and with a headache beginning to form in the back of his head, Santana was already asleep. He wasn’t planning on telling her everything, only the most important bit: that he’s not coming back. But she’s snoring quietly on the bed and although Blaine tries to lie down next to her and fall asleep, his mind would not stop racing.

He’s exhausted, there are dark circles under his eyes and not even a cold shower that morning couldn’t help him look any more awake. Santana is also unusually quiet since he explained everything that morning, she said it was all nerves about her exam, but Blaine knows there is another reason for her silence. 

He guesses she’s wondering if there were any signs that she missed. If she could have guessed that he was unhappy just by the apathy he showed every Monday morning, if she should have known that he didn’t want to become a lawyer. If she could call herself a good friend if she never guessed that the sparkle in when they were doing something different was definitely something she should have paid attention to. Or at least that is what is going through Blaine's mind.

“I can’t believe we’re leaving without him.” 

Blaine nods.

It’s probably his fault, for watching too many rom coms and coming with his expectations high, believing that he was going to go back with them. He was a bit naïve, really, if he thought that he had left only because of him, that he must not have any other reason but a guy he hooked up with once. Maybe he was selfish and didn’t pay enough attention to him, because now that he is looking back on the last year, he knows that he should have seen it coming. If not him dropping out, at least that he was unenthusiastic about it. He thought he would be able to fix the whole situation with a kiss and was instead leaving with the taste of defeat in his mouth.

The cab arrives and something in his gut tells him that he can’t leave, at least not yet. 

“One more try,” he tells Santana while they are saying goodbye. She doesn’t look that convinced but ends up wishing him good luck with a kiss on his forehead and squeezing his hand. 

He closes the door and starts running.

When he gets to his grandma’s building, the same doorman is waiting for him. This time, however, he comes ready. He has prepared a small little speech in French —that he’s sure is very poorly translated, but he couldn’t do anything better— while he was waiting for the bus, and when he shows it to the same man from last night, the door is opened for him.

Blaine can’t wait for the lift to arrive, the excitement running through his veins and making every second last twice as long, and he climbs the five floor of stairs until he reaches his door. He knocks three times, only hoping that he will not end up going home empty handed again.

“Blaine?” Sebastian looks like he just woke up, his voice still thick and his hair undone. 

“Can you give me five minutes?”

“What?”

“Just five minutes. Listen to me for five minutes.”

Sebastian bites his bottom lip but ends up accepting. 

Blaine can’t stop fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and would much rather say what he is about to share anywhere else but in the middle of the corridor. But he has to. He gathers all the courage he thinks he has left and takes a deep breath.

“I’m going to ask you to come with me again.” 

“Didn’t we go over this already last night?”

“You promised me five minutes.”

Sebastian raises his hands and Blaine smiles. He had missed him.

“Look, I don’t care if you don’t want to be a lawyer or if you don’t want to go back to college at all for that matter. And I’m sorry for no noticing that there was something going on with you, being too busy trying to solve my own issues.”

“I told you one time, you know. But someone was a bit too drunk to listen.”

“Sebastian!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll shut up.” He pretends to lock his own mouth with an imaginary key and Blaine can’t keep the smile of his face. He thinks it’s going to work.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen next. All I know is that I like you. And… and I think you like me, too.” 

Blaine can feel the heat rushing to his face. But Sebastian smiles and he thinks he’s going to pass. 

“So please, come with me.”

“Where?”“To Berlin. To New York. Anywhere you want, really.”

“I didn’t know you were this cheesy.”

“Sebastian, please!”

He laughs and Blaine wants to record it and play it in his head over and over again.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Blaine.”

“That’s okay, we can figure it out together. I just want to do it together. It doesn’t have to be right now, I just missed my flight back home and I understand if you need some time to think. I’m going to ask you one last time, okay?” He nods and Sebastian sighs. “Will you come with me? Please?” He asks with the very last string of his voice and offers him his hand. 

And Sebastian takes it.


	6. Epilogue

His knees are shaking. He's gone back to not knowing what to do with his hands, they feel awkward just resting by his sides and if he starts playing with his shirt again he is sure his mom is capable of coming on stage only to tell him off for wearing a wrinkled shirt. Everyone around him looks calm and in the zone and Blaine is starting to get a bit tired of always being the one that looks out of place. 

It's going to start in a few minutes and Blaine would like to enjoy his last few minutes before everything changes. Breathe in and appreciate the journey, what's taken him there and what he managed to overcome along the way. The new person he's managed to become and how he hopes everything's changed for the better. The people that got left behind on his journey and the new ones that decided to tag along and accompany him, not letting go of his hand. 

Blaine's listening to a speech that sounds prefabricated, like something he could find on the Internet without putting too much effort into it. She probably changed a few words here and there, the right amount to make it relatable and cause a couple rebel tears along his peers. There's no nostalgia in him, nothing that makes him wish to turn the clock back and start all over again. He could change a few parts, do some things differently and maybe even choose the way he spent his time more wisely, sure. But he likes the place he's reached. The road could have been less complicated, but he doesn't think he'd like to do it all over again.

He wishes they would have chosen him. He's never been known for being good with words and he was definitely not the brightest to be the chosen one. Or at least that he could get a funny montage and show him his best moments with an upbeat song to accompany them. He thinks he knows a good song to play while he watches everything that has happened in the last four years. 

They call his name, always the first one thanks to his surname. He climbs the stairs, shakes some hands, accepts the diploma and moves the tassel to the other side of his cap. He takes a deep breath and looks back at the public. He finds his mom easily, so small and tiny and already in a sea of tears and he can't wait to leave that stage and give her the tightest hug he's capable of.

The first one that finds him is his brother, and Blaine's surprised to see him because he didn't think he would show up. Cooper had confirmed his attendance, sure, but there was always something that got in the way.

"Good job, squirt." His smile is so big in his face that his eyes get smaller and is struggling to see what's in front of him. He thanks him for coming and finally, after what feels like an eternity, he gets to hug his mom.

She keeps repeating how proud she is of him and he can feel his eyes starting to get watery. It takes a lot out of him to keep it together and make sure his tears don't start streaming down his face. She tries to pull away but he keeps his arms around her for just a couple more seconds. 

He also has time to congratulate his classmates, the people that have spent four years sitting next to him in class and who he didn't make any effort to connect with until his last year in school. He wouldn't consider himself popular, he started caring when it was too late to actually count. But he's made some connections, people that he hopes he'll keep in touch with over the years to come. They ask him if he'll join and Blaine nods a few times, no longer trying to keep his excitement bottled up.

There are a couple texts waiting for him when he looks at his phone. David, always so careful about keeping up to date with him, has obviously congratulated him and reminded him that he is expecting to see him back in Germany in September. They are going back to his hometown. Blaine will finally be able to visit the south of Germany and go back to practicing his German, that's gotten much rustier than he would like to admit. Both of his ex-roommates have left encouraging messages on the picture he posted that morning next to his mom and wearing his graduation robe. He didn't think he would, but he ended up missing them. There's also one from that double bass player from that jazz band he decided to join while he was abroad, an unlikely friendship born out of mutual admiration for each other, no matter how hard Blaine found it to believe.

He can't believe how long he's taken to find her, dressed in a bright red outfit and with matching red lipstick to compliment it. She looks gorgeous, and it's getting hard to believe that she can continue to get better looking every time they see each other. It's been a few months since they last met, back in Boston, and she has a new girl with her this time, even prettier than the previous one. They hug and kiss and Santana makes him promise that he will come to her graduation next year.

"That is if you finally manage to graduate next year."

She doesn't look very happy about his comment.

"I'm sorry, was that your pathetic attempt at trying to be funny?" But they both laugh it off, an old joke between friends that don't get to spend as much time together as they would like but that always find a way to be there when they have to be.

Now that he has officially graduated college, he can't help but feel a bit anxious about what's to come. He got enough credits to graduate in a minor in composition, and although he's not yet completely happy about his work, he did get some hope back. He thinks he can do it, earn a living through his music someday, be able to continue doing what he loves the most. Blaine is not sure what the next step is supposed to be in order to achieve that, the real world is such a scary and inhospitable place, so out of his reach that still makes him tremble at night. But all he knows is that he is going to try.

Santana hasn't let go of his hand when the last person arrives.

Sebastian, who decided to wear a suit and tie for the event, an outfit he had had never seen him in before. Sebastian, who's come and gone over the last year, who called him every night for their first month apart, who met with him in three different states over that summer, who moved in with him only to find his own place a couple of weeks later. Who has fought with him time and time again, who has said hurtful things Blaine knows he's never going to forget and has heard his fair share coming from Blaine. Who came back to him and made all his problems go away with the touch of his lips, who came home late at night scared of what the future had in store for him. Who has been comforted by him every time he had another fight with his father. Who has managed to get into NYU, major still undecided but very excited to experiment and try different things and finally discover what it is that he wants to do. Sebastian. 

He gives him a sweet peck on the lips, more than he was expecting since the past week hasn't been their best one. He always came at the right time, ready to pick him up when he was feeling down and to celebrate with him all his achievements.

"I think I've missed you, Smythe."

The three of them hug and for a moment, Blaine believes that three of them have gone back and that when he opens his eyes he'll be back in Berlin. It passes quickly, was there for only a brief second and leaves him feeling grateful for that day he decided to fill out a form in a whim, without giving much thought to the city he picked as his top option. He doesn't know what his life would have been like if he had chosen a different city, but he is so elated with how his present looks that he doesn't want to find out.

Sebastian takes his hand and intertwines their fingers together. And Blaine believes that they are going to work, that everything is going to work out.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. It's a little hard to believe that this is over. 
> 
> Just before I go, I am very glad I decided to participate in the BBB and got a chance to write something for a pairing I hadn't touched since I was a teenager. It probably was a bit reckless of me to agree to write a fic in English when all I've written during the last couple years has been in a different language. Personally, I think it shows and I'm not sure it's the right writing style for this language in particular, but it is the only one I know how to use. Thanks again to my beta for making sure everything made sense and polishing every single sentence.
> 
> Also, apologies in case any of the few German words are incorrect, I'm very much like Blaine at the beginning of this story when it comes to it.
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this fic until the very end and for reading a story that is very dear to my heart and a bit open-ended perhaps, but that couldn't have been finished any other way.
> 
> <3


End file.
